I Think I'm Being Followed: Chapter 7
Sarah:
I wake up to the sound of...nothing, no breathing next to me, no whispered 'good mornings' and no Matt. Unsurprisingly he disappeared before I even woke up. I should've known he'd do this, fucking 'Sex God'. Probably does this every other night, new girl each time, and im just one of many to him.
I know pretending not to care wont help, last night actually meant something to me, I've never felt that way towards anyone, with him, I wasn't at all sure of myself, it wasn't as simple as have sex and leave. There was an intimacy there, which I've never had before. And as much as I try, I can't forget it. It was fucking tremendous as well, truly unforgettable.
Which is actually the worst part, because now he's gone, and im left alone to think about last night. Every time I close my eyes, even just to blink, I get a flashback of us together, I can still feel where he touched me, and it sends shivers down my spine, something I know won't ever happen again, not with Matt or any other guy.
I know its stupid, but I tried to call him, he'd saved his number in my phone before we'd even sat down yesterday, and now I was glad, I just needed to hear his voice, I reached for my phone, hoping that maybe I'd see a message or missed call from him, but I didn't, so I dialled the number and waited for an answer.
But there was none, instead, I got straight through to his voicemail, and hearing the fake cheery voice people put on for their voicemail messages didn't help either, it wasn't the real Matt, and right now that's all I want.
Still, life goes on and I got up regardless, getting ready for my afternoon and early evening shift at work, a local bar, where my usually cool demeanour comes in handy whilst bartending, especially considering how lively the west-Londoners get at night.
It was only 12pm on a Saturday though, so I had a couple hours to kill before I needed to leave.
Verging on desperate I know, but I tried to call Matt again twice, then three more times before 2pm, until finally I gave up, having become more and more frustrated each time. Instead I called my dealer.
'Hey babe, what you doing? This a social call or business babe?'
He had answered on the second ring, always has done, and I was grateful, at least he wasn't ignoring me. 'Uh, bit of both actually, I could do with some company, got some time to kill before work and need to relax a bit, if you get my drift.'
'Course, course I do, I can be there in 20 minutes? I'll bring some of the new stuff you seem to like so much?'
'Yeah that's great, see you soon Jay.' I hang up, not needing to say goodbye, and sigh, im already feeling better, the thought of seeing Jay and his little bag of pills relieves me, he always manages to make me feel better, regardless of how shit im feeling.
He gets here in 15 minutes, meaning im not quite ready, after a short, sharp knock on the door I let him in, and make him wait for me, as I finish doing my hair, since I wont be back 'till after my shift ends.
Before we leave, I quickly run to the kitchen for a bottle of water, finding not only that, but the blouse I had on yesterday as well. A pang of sadness hits me, and any doubts I had about my little outing with Jay vanish. It's always like this, I doubt what im doing, and then something reminds me why I do it.
I lean down, to pick it up, and find a bunch of little post-it notes, screwed up and shoved under the counter, I sigh, and without looking at them quickly collect them into a plastic bag that I'd left nearby. 'Jane and her fucking little post-its' I mumble to myself, annoyed that im always the one throwing these things away; I don't even know where they keep coming from. I take the blouse as well, and on our way out of the flat, I toss both into the bin outside, better to get rid of the damn thing now, rather than leave it to remind me later. It's sad really, I liked that top.
