207 Days.

three.

~a.n.

I kind of actually enjoy writing this story :) I hope you enjoy reading it xxx

I forgot what I was doing. I could smell the burning. I couldn't do much about it though. My mind was in a trance.

A trance of you.

I pull the cover off of the pan and the heat of the metal mixes with the steam from the pan and I drop the cover. It makes a huge noise as it hits the floor and that pulls me from my trance.

This is why you use to cook. I always became preoccupied with my thoughts, even before you left me. But maybe this is why I don't eat much anymore either.

You were a great cook.

I miss you.

After sitting through another rerun of 'Friends' I get up to shower. I usually use the downstairs bathroom, for the given memories I receive when using our shared one in the bedroom. Tonight's different though.

I look up from the dresser drawer and see the framed picture of you and I on the wall. The one of both of us in our tuxes, the day Zayn and Perrie got married. We were suppose to be next.

I wipe my face of the new found tears and slowly walk to the bathroom that's just feet away.

The memories fade back and that's where it starts.

"LOU STOP!" I can hear you screaming. "Louis stop it! I love you, Lou! Stop. Please stop!!" I take a deep breathe and drag the blade across my skin again, just so I can hear you. "STOP!" Your voice is ringing in my ears.

One more time.

It hurts like hell. I want to stop, but I keep going. "Louis William! Damn you, stop it!" I open my eyes and your green ones are staring back at me. Your curls are flattened and damp from the water of the shower.

"I love you." I hear you whisper, and I drop the blade.

Just like that you're gone.

Again.

I can feel the tears threatening to escape and come back to me. I stop them before they come though. I'm becoming pretty good at that.

I think I cry to much for a grown adult.

***

My sixth grade science teacher taught me that your body automatically knows to pull away when you touch something that hurts you; you've made me cry at least 6 times this week and I've lost count of the times I've found myself shaking and dripping blood because you forgot to tell me you love me and god it hurts so fucking much but I can't pull away.