207 Days.

five.

"How are you?" I see my moms text. "I'm okay." I simply reply. My phone is at 7% but I didn't bother to bring my charger. Why do I even need the phone?

I walk through the small corner store door and hear the small fan going from behind the counter, and the hum of  old 80's music coming from the speaker. I take a bag of chips and a 12 pack from the shelves. "How are you today?" the man behind the counter asks.

'Well my heart fells like it's in three million pieces. I feel like my body is being torn limb from limb with every inch I move. I'm falling apart but not a single person notices, nor cares.' I take a deep breath trying to catch it. "I'm fine thanks." is all I actually say to the man.

I pay him and leave before he can try to start a read conversation. I walk all the way back to the lake. There is a tiny Inn that I'm staying at just a street away.

I want to get better. I want you to get better. That will never happen; for either of us.

I've come to terms with that I guess. I sit and watch the small waves again. I watch them until the sun goes down, then I start to walk back.

I stop three times to catch my breath... and balance.

Another pack of beer and a bag of chips later and I'm sitting on the bed with an ache in my heart, and on matching in my head.

***

I'm not sure why I keep telling everyone I'm okay. I'm not okay and sometimes when someone asks how I am I want to tell them that my heart is broken, and that's okay you know, I can deal with a broken heart, but the pieces have been shifting and I've got these really sharp edges in my veins and my lungs and my stomach and I think I'm being torn apart, I'm not really sure. I can't really breathe and I'm a little bit dizzy.