Ultraviolence

Is this happiness?

23rd march
Amelia

~~~~~~~~~~~~dream~~~~~~~~~~
Ezequiel and Nina stood in front of me, beckoning me towards them. Their arms were linked as they floated just above the bloody ground. I moved towards them, one step at a time, ribbons tethered my body like chains connecting me to an unseen wall. With each step the ribbons grew tighter, their crimson tentacles never letting go of my desperate body. They were almost at reach, they were so close.

I wanted to reach Ezequiel to make him pay, death was to sweet of a punishment for him. He deserved much worse. What happened to me, what happened to rose and what happened to Nina ; he was entirely responsible for, he manipulated us and killed us in many ways. He deserves much more than the sweet release of death.

However, Nina, my darling Nina. I wanted to reach her for many reasons. I wanted to touch her, to feel her hands in mine once more. I wanted to tell her that everything was fine now and she could come back to me. I wanted to reach her in a thousand different ways. I love her.

Unfortunately, the ribbons still tightened around my arms like desperate hands, preventing me from reaching my goals. I still pursued them, I still fought against every ribbon that tied me to an unseen enemy.

Forcing myself forward, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. A churning feeling, as if my stomach were pushing itself out of my body. I stilled tried to get closer to them, my enemy and my lover, like my pursuit of revenge and love fought all feeling of pain and common sense.

Suddenly, a sharp pain filled my entire body, I writhed on the ground in pain. I'm limbs were ripped from my body, and I lay helpless on the ground. The last thing I saw before I was ripped from sleep was Ezequiel's smile, which looked like a crescent moon, taking delight in my pain.

I woke up. My body heat at an all time high as I accustomed myself to this unfamiliar setting. The night sky above me twinkled and moved overhead; like the earth itself, always moving, always changing.

I could never tell you what constellations were lay out before me. They all seemed connected to me, each one having some relation to a thousand more. The night sky was never split out into constellations, it is all one magnificent being. I wish I could be like the night sky.

I looked at the sleeping body next to me as we lay together in a field. I can't even remember her name. she had dark brown hair with single ginger strands hiding behind her neck. like the Forrest floor in autumn, a orange and brown blanket lay across the earth, keeping her warm for the winter.

Her body rose and fell into itself as she breathed, it was almost hypnotic. I felt disgusted in myself, for betraying my Nina but this was the only way I could feel something now. I lost count with them, that was never something I could be proud of. Maybe in another life, maybe if things had turned out differently I would have stayed with ginger-brunet girl. I could have watched her sleep and drive back home with her in the morning, feel the wind in my hair and her hand on my thigh. But I am not living that life, I am not healthy, but soon I will be.

Please say I will be

Suddenly, my phone rings in my pocket, I shush it as I saw ginger-brunet girl stir in her sleep. I looked at my phone screen.

(5) missed calls from Rose

I began to put on my clothes, making sure to be quiet as not to wake the sleeping girl. I slid myself into some skinny jeans and pulled a pitch black hoodie over my head and slid my phone into my pocket.