Happy December my little fruitcakes! Yes indeed I have returned. Older? Definitely. Wiser? EH. But hey, that's besides the point. I'm feeling motherfucking holly jolly, bitch! I LOVE CHRISTMAS!
SANTA YOU OLD FUCK RAM YOUR PRESENTS DOWN MY CHIMNEY!!
As you can tell I am super hyped. My only regret is not watching a single Christmas special this year like what the fuck? Anyways, I guess everything else is not so bad. My broke ass was finally able to buy some people gifts this year! I'm not fucking Kim K or nothing so nobody got a beach house, but I think I did okay... And if we're being totally honest here, I was gonna buy everybody dicks.
Soooo... Yeah! Glad I didn't soulja boy down that road.
Jokes aside, I'm not gonna lie. This December's been super rough. The kids are home and I have mental breakdowns several times a week. But it's okay, because I have my wonderful boyfr- OH MY FUCKING GOD. Okay quick side story! I got toed last night.
No, not fucked with a toe.
It's very simple actually. See, my boyfriend and I were joking around in the shower and things went a little too far. As in, he literally kicked me in the labia majora with his big Flintstone toe. Like yabbadabba don't, motherfucker!
Now, I have to say this. I've never felt more like a man in my life. I dropped to my knees and everything, and gripped myself in agony. No lie I was like "MY BALLS". It was tragicly funny bro, sincerely. I didn't stay mad though.
After I got "You bitch" and "You fucking hole" out of my system (common terms of endearment naturally), including many trembling middle fingers, we had a very heartfelt night. He truly is the testicle I've been waiting my whole 21 years of existence for.
And if you have a problem with that I got a whole tray of jizzcuits right here for ya, champ.
Bahumbug and leave me a comment, I have a dick plushie named Marvin who's going through a punk phase👌
