Everything was still very vivid in my mind. Every single detail. Every single thought. Every single feeling that I've felt.
I couldn't find myself at that moment.
Yet six young men found me.
I've never thought it was real.
I've never thought Never...
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I grew up in a complete and happy family. I may be the only daughter, the only child, but I never felt alone because I have my loving parents beside me. My classmates and friends would envy me for having a perfect family.
Kahit kailan ay hindi nagkulang sa akin ang mga magulang ko. Pareho silang may marangal trabaho ngunit palagi rin nakakahanap ng oras para sa akin. Para punan ang pagiging mabuting magulang sa akin. Lumaki akong masaya at walang pangamba dahil sa kanila.
I thought that there's nothing to worry because I have both of my parents who will guide me and walk with me on my own journey.
I thought I was the luckiest daughter alive. I thought happiness is eternal. But just like life, it has an end.
And my happiness ended along with my picture pefect family since the day another girl stepped on our doorstep.
"Zhandra," It was a stormy night and the skies are dark. All I could hear was the sound of the rain, the roaring of thunder outside, and the hoarse voice coming from my mother who was calling my name.
"Mommy, why are you crying? Who made you cry, mommy?" my eyes are starting to blur from tears. I don't understand why this beautiful woman is crying in front of me.
My mother embraced me so tight, "Mommy is crying because she loves you so much."
"Did I make you cry, Mommy?"
Mas lalo lamang lumakas ang iyak niya. Nababasa na ang suot kong dress dahil sa mga luha niya.
"I love you so much, Zhandra. Daddy too. Always remember that. Always..." the last word was almost a whisper. Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga luha na kusang bumuhos sa aking mga mata. Who wouldn't be overwhelmed?
Mom faced me and held my shoulders firmly. Like she's about to say something important so I must listen very carefully. I'm glad she finally stopped sobbing. But tears won't stop streaming down her already rosy cheeks.
"Zhandra, you are the best thing that's ever happened in my life. You are a sweet and lovely girl, darling. Do not forget how much Mommy loves you. Daddy loves you too, as much as I do. Can you promise me one thing, darling?" she paused for another sharp inhale. "Promise me that you'll be a happy girl. I want you to grow up as a very wonderful lady. Promise me that you'll never lose the pretty smile on your face, darling. Promise me." then she lets out a sob again.
I didn't get anything she said but if there's one thing I know, it's hating to see my mommy cry like this.
"I promise, Mommy. Pinky promise." we intertwined our pinky fingers then she hugged me tightly once more. Like it will be the last time.
And it was.
After that stormy night, I never saw the beautiful lady I've always adored again.
That was the very last memory I had of my Mom. Kahit kailan ay hindi na iyon nawala sa aking isipan. It was like every memory I had with her vanished and the only one left was that memory.
Hindi ko alam noon kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng alaalang iyon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit umiiyak si mommy. Hindi ko alam kung bakit lumuha din ang musmos kong mga mata. At hindi ko alam kung para saan ang nga pangakong iyon.
Daddy told me that mom left us behind and she'll never come back. He didn't tell me where she went. I never bothered asking him.
Para sa akin, doon na nagtapos ang buhay ko. Hindi man literal, ngunit wala nang halaga sa akin ang lahat ngayon.
"Miss Zhandra, dinner is served." I turned around from staring outside the window to face Delila. Nakatayo lamang siya sa hamba ng pintuan ng aking kwarto. Isang tango ko ay umalis na siya.
No one ever dares to walk inside my room since Mom left. Not Dad. Not even his daughter. Mommy was the last person who entered my room from what I can remember.
Lumabas ako at naglakad na sa mahabang pasilyo. Sa likod ko ay si Delila na tahimik na sumusunod. She was my Nanny after Mommy left. Maybe Dad thought I'd forget about her if he'll give me a Nanny, someone to replace her. Akala yata niya ganoon ako katanga para makalimutan ang sariling ina.
"What dishes am I expecting, Delila." I flatly asked. Kapag hindi ko gusto ang mga pagkain ay hindi na lamang ako tutuloy sa hapag. Kaya lagi ko muna itinatanong kay Delila bago pumunta roon.
"Nagpaluto si Sir Felix ng seafood para sa gabing ito, Miss Zhandra." she responded curtly. Huminto ako sa paglalakad nang nasa tapat na kami ng hagdan pababa. Tumigil din si Delila sa likod ko.
"Who am I expecting in the dining hall?"
I tend to lose my appetite whenever I eat with someone I dislike. Kaya itinatanong ko na rin agad kay Delila ang mga tao sa hapag dahil ayaw kong umalis na lang basta sa sandaling naroon na ako. I'm not rude.
"Si Sir Felix at Miss Genevieve lang po, Miss Zhandra." I nodded and went on.
Tunog ng tawanan ang sumalubong sa akin sa dining hall. Just like what Delila said, tanging si Dad at ang anak niya lamang ang nasa hapag. They started eating already. At mukhang napapasarap na ang kwentuhan nila kung hindi lang ako umeksena.
"You're here, Zhandra." Dad's authoritative voice welcomed me. Siya ang nasa kabisera. On his left is Genevieve, her daughter, who just gave me a small uninterested nod.
"You didn't wait for me. How rude." I pointed out as I sat on my designated seat - across Genevieve.
"Well, Genevieve just got home. She's tired from school, Zhandra-" I waved my hand dismissively to my father. Nagsimula na lamang ako maglagay ng pagkain sa aking pinggan.
"I didn't ask for nonsense informations, Dad." I said casually.
Ilang sandali ay bumalik ulit sa kwentuhan at tawanan ang mag-ama habang ako ay tahimik na nagpatuloy sa pagkain. It's like they don't exist in my world and I don't exist in theirs as well.
I'm almost done with my food when Dad tried to open a conversation with me, which was his biggest mistake since I came this room.
"Zhandra, how's your school? Are you fine with your course?" I don't have to look at him to know that he's smiling.
"Hmm, it's good. I wouldn't pick my course if I don't like it in the first place." maikli kong sagot.
Napansin ko na tahimik lamang ang anak ni Dad haang nakikinig sa usapan. How rude of her. I didn't listen to anything they talked about. As if I care.
"Good to hear that. How about friends? Why don't you invite your friends here sometime?" he suggested.
I only shrugged, "I don't have anyone to invite. We're all busy studying, you know."
When I was finally done with my food, I thought I can peacefully go back to my room already.
"Zhandra, I have something to tell you." I just nodded. Gusto ko na lamang matapos ito at makabalik na sa aking kwarto. I'm starting to feel annoyed by their presence.
