Holding On To You | k.th + j.hs

Grown-Up Talk

      Two days had past since Taehyung's last visit to the hospital. Now, there were only five days left. The thought of having only five days left made his stomach turn. How can he only have five days left with someone he thought he'd have an eternity with?

      Lately, his thoughts have been consuming him. Even now, as he sits on his bed, he can't help but think of how life will be in the future. It'll be empty.

And sad.

And overall, depressing.

      But Taehyung knows that people go through this kind of stuff everyday. There's not a moment in this world when people aren't dying. He just doesn't know how they make it through. How do they keep living after losing such a big part of their life?

Knock knock knock.

      Taehyung's thoughts drift away as he looks up. His mother stands in the doorway, looking at him with a small smile but worried eyes. Taehyung looks back at her with the same.

"What are you doing up so early?" She asks.

Taehyung looks at the clock on his nightstand.

4:52AM.

"I... I didn't even realize what time it was," he sighed, his gaze drifting down at the floor.

"Let me rephrase my question," she said, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. "Why are you up so early?"

Taehyung thought for a second, biting his lower lip.

"I'm just... Thinking. That's all," he finally said.

"Thinking about what?"

"Hoseok, of course. I mean, what else is there to think about?"

      The small smile from his mothers mouth faded, but the worry in her eyes remained. She took a deep breath and stared at him.

"Are you worried about him?"

"Of course," Taehyung said, finding the question rather obvious. "Especially ever since he told me he was scared... Ever since he stopped looking the same... Ever since he first stopped breathing, really," he choked, and he felt tears forming in his eyes.

"Oh Tae, I know it'll be hard... It'll probably be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to go through. But you'll make it, you'll recover," she said as her son scooted closer and wrapped his arms around her tightly.

      Taehyung sniffled, and he gently shut his eyes as he continued to hold on tight. Even though he was crying, it was moments like these that he wished would last forever. Because for a second, it seemed as though everything would be okay. It was as if life was normal, and it would continue to be normal as time grew on.

      But deep down, he knew better. He knew that as long as Hoseok remained in the hospital, life would never be normal. And even after Hoseok leaves the hospital, life will still never be normal.

"I just... I can't. I can't do it, I can't let him leave," Taehyung exclaimed through muffled sobs. "I don't know how to put it into words."

"I know you want him to stay with you forever, and I know it's going to hurt seeing him go. But sometimes letting go hurts so much less than holding on," she said as she stroked his hair.

Taehyung didn't respond. And for the rest of the day, he let his mother's words sink in. He knew what he had to do, and he knew he only had a few days left to do it.