Holding On To You | k.th + j.hs

Holding On

"Can we visit Hobi tonight?"

Taehyung stood in the doorway of the kitchen, staring at his mother with puppy-dog eyes. The clock on the counter read 9:14PM and the sound of pouring rain could be heard beyond the dark windows. His mother looked hesitant.

"It's late, you know-"

"Three days. That's how many he has left. Please," Taehyung begged.

"Fine," she sighed. "Get in the car, I'll be there in a few minutes."

Taehyung's eyes lit up as he turned around and made a dash for the car. He hopped into the backseat and waited patiently. His mother probably thought he only wanted to visit Hoseok to talk about school or whatever, but Taehyung had much bigger plans.

-

"T-Tae?"

"Hi, Hobi," Taehyung said as he entered the cold room, pulling up a chair next to the bed.

      Though the room looked the same as it always did, there was something different. The feeling was isolation, and the air smelled heavily of antiseptics; there was nothing soft, there. It had a cold, dead feeling to it that couldn't possibly go unnoticed. Taehyung sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"Is anyone going to come in here anytime soon?" He asked. Hoseok just shook his head.

"I'm not too sure," he croaked, his voice weak. "No one except for a doctor, maybe. But they already checked on me a few minutes ago. Why do you ask?"

"I... I want to talk to you. Alone," Taehyung hesitated, though he couldn't think of a time where they weren't alone, other than on Hoseok's birthday.

"Talk about what?"

"I-I don't even know. I don't know how to put it into words..."

      Hoseok looked confused, but he seemed like he understood at the same time. He propped himself up a little, but not too much, considering he barely had any strength.

"Just say whatever you need to say. If you need to rant-"

"It's not a rant... It's... I just think I understand something now," Taehyung sighed.

      The room was silent, as if it were waiting for him to speak. He just squeezed his eyes shut and took Hoseok's frail hand in his, and when he opened his eyes, he felt tears start to leak out and run down his face. He took a deep, shaky breath before talking, and his voice seemed so heavy.

"I-I want you to know, Hoseok... That I... I know you're in pain, I know you want to let go, I know you hate holding on, but you'd hate it even more to know that I'm sad. And I just want you to know, that I'll be okay. And this is so hard for me to say," he choked, really crying now. "But I want you to let go. I want you to stop hurting, I want you to know that it'll be okay..."

      Hoseok just sat there, staring at Taehyung. The only sounds in the room were the hums of machinery and a few choked sobs. The two boys locked eyes, and this time, they really looked at each other.

Finally, Hoseok gave Taehyung a small, small smile, and squeezed his hand ever so lightly; too light to even be considered a squeeze.

"You know," Hoseok said, his voice thick.

"Everything you said was true. Everything you said means so much to me. I think... The only reason I've held on this long is because of you. You make my life worth living, and I really would hate to see you sad when I go."

Taehyung bit his trembling lip as he stared down at the bed, not letting go of Hoseok's cold hand.

"And since you've said what you just said, I... I feel like-" Hoseok paused as he began to cough, and it wasn't a normal cough. He was coughing up blood.

"I feel like," he gulped, wiping his mouth off with his sleeve. "I... I don't have to hold on anymore..."

Taehyung's eyes became so clouded with tears that Hoseok had become a blur. Hearing those words, he knew the end was near, and all he could do was cry.

"I'm going to miss you," He choked, a small smile on his lips as he wiped away his tears. The smile was empty.

"I'm going to miss you, too," Hoseok gave a small, weak laugh that was empty, as well.

As Taehyung stood up, the boy went into a coughing fit. He never thought it would end this way; with the two of them alone in a hospital room, as one of them coughs up blood while attached to pointless tubes, and the other one bawls their eyes out while they both hold hands, refusing to let go even though they told themselves they would.

But then again, he never thought it would end.