My wings

I don't know anymore

Cas POV

I appeared in the bunker with no memory of the past 48 hours, I dreamt most of the time. Mostly glimpses, but they were about Lucifer, crying. I had never seen Lucifer cry, so why would I be able to imagine him crying?

I got my phone and dialed Dean's number, he picked up, but it was only silence on the other end.

"Dean?"

"What do you want Cas?" Dean said harshly.

"How did you get out of the bunker?" I heard a slight gasp and whispers on the other end. I heard Sam's voice.

"Um...Sam knows more," he anxiously said, handing the phone to Sam.

"Cas, where have you been?"

"I don't exactly remember, I think I was sleeping," I hesitated. I heard a struggle on the other end, sounded like they were fighting to hold the phone. 

"Stop! I'm talking to her!" I heard Sam shout to someone suddenly. More of a struggle, until I heard silence.

"You bitch! You are a monster! Don't ever talk to me again, don't be in the same premises as me again! I wish we weren't family, I hate you!" said a too familiar voice.

"Lucifer? What happened? Did I do something?"

"Don't act so innocent!" he scolded me.

"I don't understand," I began.

"Of coarse you don't, you never do!" Lucifer yelled again, how was I supposed to fix this, if I don't know what I did?

"Please...what did I do?" a silent tear spilled out of my eye. I heard a heavy sigh on the other end.

"You...you...you killed Gabe," I could tell he was trying so hard to maintain his reputation of being so evil, and having no feelings.

"What...how? He's an archangel," I hesitated. I loved Gabe.

"Was," Lucifer snapped.

"What?"

"He isn't here anymore, so he was an archangel, but you killed him, you and your archange..." he stopped mid sentence.

"My what?" I asked suspicious. I heard more commotion on the other end of the phone, all three boys were arguing and fighting for the phone. Finally, they stopped, this time I got the emotion of relief, not hate.

"Cas? " a shaky voice said.

"Dean?"

"Is that really you?" I could hear his voice crack.

"Yes, Dean."

"Why?" he paused, "Why call?" I gasped, a tear rolled down my cheek.

"What do you mean?" I whispered, trying to avoid the inevitable ending to this phone call.

"Cas," he started, "you aren't the girl...um.....angel....that I fell in love with," I could tell it was killing him to say this, and I know it had been eating inside him for awhile. Several more tears poured out of my eyes, I wasn't holding them back as much.

"Dean?" I said, voice shaking from the truth.

"Cas, I can't do this anymore, I can't help the monster any more, I can't pretend to love you. That wouldn't be fair to you or me," he said shyly.

"Okay, if that is what you want to do," I mumbled, in between tears.

"Sor" he started.

"No, you made your point, I'll go now," I interupted him. With that I hung up.