It was the year that I finally felt loved.
I remember everything about it.
It was the year of hand holding, smiles, and a lifetime of memories.
You were the first thing I thought of in the morning and the last thing I thought of at night, Always on my heart and on my mind.
I saw you in my dreams, I saw you when you came to stay at my house or likewise. I saw you in my mind, I saw you everywhere and in everything.
You always smelled like sweet cigars and just a hint of cologne.
Your hands were always soft but your fingertips were always cut up and callused from Playing your guitar.
You told me the calluses made you feel like a "badass", which always made me laugh.
It was the year of finally feeling free with someone, having the very best friend that I had ever had.
I couldn't look at you without getting a hugely stupid smile on my face.
I believe that you loved me as much as I loved you. At least in the beginning.
It was the year that You were my happiness, you were my heart, and you were my home.
You were my oh so lovely prince and I was your princess as you used to say.
"Forever and always, I want you in my life" you used to say.
And like a naive middle schooler and her first loved, I believed you.
But it was also the year of heartbreak.
It was the year that I lost my best friend right after meeting him only months before.
It was the year of thinking about how I would never be good enough for you;
Or thinking that I may not be good for anyone.
It was the year when I couldn't figure out why you had chosen to leave me,
I never thought that the one person that I loved so much could leave me so quickly.
It was the year that I spent wishing and hoping that you would come back and tell me it was all just a mistake,
That it had all been a joke or a dream.
Because I couldn't accept the fact that the lovely man that had taken such a huge part of my heart was leaving so suddenly.
That all I wanted was to hug you, kiss you, or just talk to you again, because I loved you.
But when a new year comes, you have to conform to the changes of everything. You have to move on.
This year will be the year of strength.
I may still think about you when I wake and I may still think of you when I go to sleep.
But I will no longer go to sleep or wake up thinking about how much I need you,
I will wake up thinking about how I didn't need you, how I am learning to live without you.
I will spend the year with the best of friends and learn that I don't need to live with you.
I will always love you, there is no doubt in my mind about that.
You're still the perfect boy with the perfect hair and the amazing talent in art and music.
You will always be the boy that always bought me flowers, had those adorable red cheeks when you looked at me.
You're still my first love, who I thought was my soulmate.
But if I have learned anything about this year it is that no matter what I do, I can get through it.
This is the year of being loved, but by myself this time.
This is the year where I will spend times with the greatest of people and discover who I am.
I won't worry about you or anybody else for that matter.
This is the year where I say "fuck you" instead of "love you"
And learn that you're not the someone that I thought I needed.
