John Murphy | Imagines & Preferences

Imagine // Don't Leave.

"You promised! You bastard!" You screamed, punching him in the chest and scratching his face.

He promised. He did. When the dropship landed on Earth he took your hand in his and he promised that he would be with you, no matter what, that he wouldn't let anything bad happen to you and he wouldn't leave your side. But, there he was, standing in front of you with regret on his eyes but no sign of keeping his word. He was leaving, and you knew there was nothing you could do to stop him from doing it, yet you fought, you hit him and cried, because you didn't want him to leave, you couldn't bear the thought of him leaving. He had been the only constant person in your life, the only one who made you smile. He was your reason to fight in the ground, to keep going. But he didn't want to keep fighting for you, for the two of you, for what was and could be. He was leaving.

"You promised." You repeated, this time in a whisper as all strength had left your body and collapsed. You fell to your knees and sobbed. John made no effort in catching you or tried to comfort you, knowing it would be worse if he tried. "You're trusting the man who killed your father and leaving the only person who has never left you behind. And yet you dare to come here and tell me you love me. How can you do that?"

"Because I do. Because I love you." His answer came in a frustrated whisper, and maybe you were stupid but you couldn't understand why he was frustrated if it all seemed so easy for him. Leaving you, breaking your heart in the process, and putting his faith in a mad man who wasn't thinking straight and was probably in some grounder drugs.

You shook your head, not believing a word he said anymore. It was all too much for you to take at once. Even if you tried, you just couldn't comprehend his decisions. You tried to think about a moment when you had left his side, when you hadn't chosen him above everything and everyone, but there was no such a moment in your memories. You never did. When he got arrested for the murdering of those guards, you followed him, knowing there was no place in the Ark for you without him. When they accused him to kill Wells, you tried to stop them, you got yourself on the way just to save him. You took care of him when he got the flu, treated his injuries and always believed in him. Everything because you loved him, because he was not just your boyfriend, he was your family.

And he was betraying you like an adult takes a sweet from a child. He would sleep peaceful in the night while you would turn around for hours, wondering if he was alright, safe, unharmed, alive. He would move on, forget about you, and his face would never leave your mind. It wasn't fair, loving someone as much as you loved John only to not be loved back the same way, or at all, and having to live with that.

His hand tried to reach for your face, but you quickly moved back to avoid it. He had no right to touch you anymore, he shouldn't even look your way. You sure didn't, looking at him would only cause you more pain. You looked at the bed, missing the pain on his eyes and the tears that threatened to fall from them. You heard him whisper your name like a plea, he spoke with such soft and small voice that you were surprised you had heard it, his voice felt like velvet and you wanted him to hug you, to tell you everything was going to be alright.

But he couldn't do that, he couldn't lie like that. But even in silence, he took your fragile and shaking body in his arms and hugged you. Your head rested on his chest, listening to his heart. Was it broken like yours?, you wondered, was he having a hard time? You hoped he was, that it was tearing him from inside as it was doing to you, because you already had to live with the fact that he was abandoning you, you didn't want to think it was being easy for him to do it. You wanted him to love you like he did at the beginning, when everything was possible and the ground offered you two a new chance to start your relationship and grow together. Now, you two had to move forward, but not following the same path anymore, and hell, did it hurt. After all, he was everything you've ever known, everything you've ever cared about. John was there since you first draw breath. Your memories were full of him running and telling you jokes so you would stop crying because your parents were fighting again. Of the first time he kissed you and how embarrassed he was after that. When he first made love to you, and how good his hands had felt against your body. If he could just stay. If he just wanted to stay. Were you so unworthy of his love?

"You're all I care about in this world." He spoke against your hair. You didn't answer, you wanted to listen to him so you wouldn't forget his voice when he was gone. "Ever since I can remember, you have been the reason I've smiled. Even after my dad was floated, the nights my mum was too drunk you would let me sleep with you. You would hug me and tell me that you loved me, that I was your best friend and you were the luckiest girl in the Ark for that. You never let me believe what she said." You didn't have to look up to know he was crying too; he tightened his hold on you and he only did that when he cried. "But I have to do this. I have no place here. You'll find someone else, someone good and worth of you. Just... just don't forget that I love you."

"You don't do this to the people you love, John Murphy." You got up from the ground, your tears still falling but you kept a stoic face. He already knew how much it hurt, it was pointless to keep begging him to stay, to take you with him, he had made his decision and it was your time to live with it. "I hope you find what you're looking for out there, John." Taking off the necklace he gave you for your birthday, you placed it on his palm and closed his fingers around it. "I truly do."

"And I hope someone can give you the happiness I couldn't." His lips grazed yours before he pulled away and smiled. "I truly do." With that, he left the tent.

You would heal.

Some day.

Author: selldraug