Circumlocution ≫ Jarchie

[Chapter Fifteen]

Present

They've been making good time. Jughead would drift in and out of sleep constantly, mumbling, "are we there yet?" from time to time like a little child.

Archie would be lying if he said he isn't driving slowly on purpose. It's partly because he doesn't want this night, morning, rather, to end. The other half of it is that Archie can tell that this is probably the most sleep Jughead has gotten ages, despite waking up constantly every hour. He's always had problems with sleeping, and Archie had been his cure before he left. Apparently, that stills holds true.

"Arch, I'm never getting drunk again." Jughead says after a while of silence, causing the redhead to jump.

"You say that now, but you'll be drinking again." Archie laughs.

"You're probably right. I do a lot of bad things now." Jughead mumbles, and that's when Archie can tell he's mostly half asleep and not making any sense.

"Like what?" Archie asks tentatively.

"I do drugs with Veronica and Reggie every weekend. I can't afford them so I sell for them sometimes too to make up for it." He yawns.

"Oh Jughead." Archie frowns. He expected Veronica and Reggie to end up selling drugs. They did it throughout high school on the low, and he didn't expect them to leave Riverdale. Now things are starting to make sense. That's what Jughead goes back to Riverdale.

"Don't 'oh Jughead' me like that." Jughead whines.

"Why? Why would you do that to yourself?"

"It feels good in the moment. It's like sex, a temporary distraction from myself."

"Were you on drugs this whole night?" Archie has to ask, although he seriously does doubt it.

"No. they got tired of me not paying and tonight we got into an argument, so I drank instead." Jughead explains.

"I'm disappointed in you." Archie says sadly, and for some reason those words cut Jughead to the core.

"It's not like I was worth much anyways. It's not like I was going to be anything anyways! I'm still breathing, isn't that enough?" Jughead tries to defend himself.

"You have so much potential but you don't even see it. You never did."

"And I never will."

"I believe it. It's just a shame, a real shame." Archie sighs.

"You don't get it. I have absolutely nothing, and the nothing I do have is dark and eerie and perpetual. This is the only way I feel okay. I'm sorry that you don't agree with it, but it's all I have." Jughead snaps.

"You should be in college. You should be writing a novel. You should be smiling genuinely, not hurting as much as you do."

"What money? What talent? Why smile? And as for the last one, you can't even begin to understand the pain I've been going through for my whole life, and how much worse it's gotten since you left."

"Everything is always because of me. I didn't make you hate yourself Jughead!" Archie yells harshly, gripping the steering wheel.

"I know that." Jughead flinches. "You don't think I know that?" He whimpers before curling up into himself and Archie sighs. "It just sucks because you don't know what you did and I don't even know how to tell you, let alone forgive you."

"Just tell me."

"By the end of the trip, just like you said. We'll both spill." Jughead mumbles.

"You're going to hate me when I tell you what I did." Archie frowns.

"Not as much as you're going to hate yourself for what you did to me."

And that was that.

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