Mixtape: Collection of Deckerstar Drabbles

For Now

"It was then that I realized that he was so full of self-loathing, void of any self-respect that no matter the depth of my cruelty, whatever miniscule attention I paid, gave meaning to his pointless existence..."

It got out of hand so quickly with Lucifer lashing out at his older brother. But in reality, he was angry at himself for not being there for her like he promised. Amenadiel pointing it out to the devil was unnecessary, although the angel felt he had to say something to assure his brother that this time around, he would be there for him.

Lucifer, on the other hand, thought he should apologize to Chloe for turning her down, for turning his back on her. He should have expected something like that to happen as if the detective's job description had not made it obvious enough.

So he dropped by her apartment as he knew apologies were best said in person, but he didn't find her there. Lucifer dialed Chloe's number and she picked up immediately and mentioned that she's staying for a few more minutes at the hospital with the Lieutenant. The devil insisted anyway and told the detective he'd wait for her at her apartment if she won't mind.

Midnight and Chloe finally decided to come home and found Lucifer waiting for her by the door. Upon eye contact, he immediately rushed to her side and apologized profusely for his behavior and for ditching her for Lexie.

"Don't worry about it, Lucifer." The detective replied dismissively.

"No, you don't understand, Detective. I've made it my life's goal to make my Father wait longer for you.."

The words made sense to him but apparently not to her, and the infamous scowl he so rightfully earned made its appearance on her otherwise exhausted features.

"Are you even sober right now?"

"I... Please, Detective. I'm sorry. I should have been there."

"I told you, it's fine. I'm unharmed."

"You don't understand. You're the only reason I'm here. You make my existence matter. Without you, I am nothing."

"Lucifer, you're creeping me out. What you're saying doesn't make sense."

"I don't know what I am anymore, Chloe."

Lucifer admitted bitterly while Chloe's eyes widened at the mention of her first name. Lucifer only ever called her that twice - - it was always 'Detective'.

"Without me, you're..."

"Hey," Suddenly concerned, she reached out for his arm. "Are you alright? What's going on?"

Lucifer shut his eyes briefly and scoffed.

"I know what I have to do now." He reached out and gave her a slight touch. "However, I still seek your forgiveness. I beg you. Please."

And before Chloe realized what was happening, the consultant was on his knees, head down, pleading.

"Please," He said weakly.

"Get up, Lucifer," Chloe told him, mildly irritated.

"Please, I'm sorry," He croaked again.

"Get up, Lucifer."

"Please. I promise I'll be good," Chloe huffed and rolled her eyes, why must he do this today, of all days?

"Okay, I forgive you. Will you please get up now?" She snapped at him, completely missing how serious he was on his apology.

"I promise I'll be good," He whispered, voice pained as he clutched on the fabric of her jacket.

"Lucifer?" When Chloe didn't hear any response, she knelt down and held his chin and as if she'd been hit by a bucket of cold water, she realized he was crying. The always proud, self-proclaimed Lord of Hell was at her feet, shedding genuine manly tears.

"Hey," She grew more anxious when he gave her a blank stare like he was in some trance. Without a second thought, she held his face and spoke once more. "Hey, Lucifer. I'm okay. I forgive you. I don't hold you accountable for me getting shot at. It's part of the job. Are you listening to me?"

The detective hoped her voice was enough to reach Lucifer this time. She didn't understand what was going on with him, why he was acting out, and she didn't know exactly how to help him.

"Thank you. For everything," He finally uttered and leaned into her touch. "I don't want to hurt you anymore, Detective. And the best thing to do is leave. But I don't want to leave you. I can't stay away from you. You keep pulling me back. How are you doing that? How can you bring the devil down to his knees?"

Lucifer then grabbed the Detective's sidearm and distanced himself just enough so that she could not grab it back.

"Lucifer!"

The devil pointed the gun at his temples.

"Lucifer, stop, please!"

"I deserve to die, Detective. I am no good for you. All I ever did was hurt you even without meaning to."

"Lucifer, I understand you're upset, alright? You don't have to do this. Give me the gun."

"No."

He then pointed the gun at her to keep her at bay. Chloe raised her hands.

"What are you doing?"

"I need you to hate me."

He repointed the gun at his head and pulled the trigger.

Chloe screamed and turned her head away, visibly shaken. Slowly, and painstakingly, she looked back, expecting to see blood splatters all over her porch, but instead, she saw huge, white wings and her partner muttering what seemed to be profanities in tongues. She snapped out of her initial shock and grabbed her firearm out of his hands.

"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?"

Lucifer shrugged his shoulders that made his wings vanish but Chloe didn't pay any mind to it. She was fuming as she closed in on him and slapped him hard. She knew he felt that as the wince gave him away but he kept composed as if he was asking for more.

"Is that all you've got, Detective?"

She steeled herself and hit him again on the other cheek. Her hand felt sore after delivering two blows. Why was he even letting her? He's the actual devil, yet he stood there, waiting for whatever wrath she'd cast upon him.

Chloe lifted the same hand, ready to strike, while Lucifer closed his eyes and waited for the searing pain to come. Instead of pain, he felt the palm of her hands caress his face followed by an embrace so tight he could barely breathe.

"Please don't ever do that again. Promise me."

"I can't. Will you put me out of my misery, Detective? Make it stop. Make me go back to Hell. "

"Absolutely not! You are going to stay right here, with me. Do you understand?"

"Why aren't you afraid of me?"

"I know who you are, it's that simple. You have to believe me. Please."

Lucifer nodded. Truth's out and she's still here. He wonders for how long though? But this will have to do for now.

  xxxxxxx  

Now it's like I lied
When I said I didn't need you
Alright if you'd left I'd never be
Tonight can we just get it right
Somehow, for now

Freeze, frame, pause, rewind, stop
And get back to the old familiar thoughts
Can we just freeze, frame, pause, rewind, stop
And get back to the feelings we think we've lost
For now

-P!nk

xxxxxxx

A/N: This one I had for a while.