The Space Between Us // Klance *UNDER REVISION*

Chapter 4: Keith

I was left stunned at his eagerness to avoid me. Lance had been sending mixed messages ranging from absolute endearment to total disinterest. I was not graced the ability of discerning his perplexing actions, and when I had mustered up the courage to confront him, he had to go and throw all that confidence away. He was difficult to approach; even when I attempted such I'd failed. I added another brick to my wall and drew back further.

"What's wrong with your boyfriend?" Pidge slid in, her glasses concealing her eyes.

"Lance isn't my boyfriend!" I spat, crossing my arms and shaking my head at the thought. Hunk sighed at us, but his smirk seemed to alude that he supported what Pidge had suggested. A pink tinge washed over my cadaverous cheeks as I decided to escape Hunk's and Pidge's taunting. I longed to dismiss what had just occurred from my delusional mind.

As I was leaving in my transparently harried and flustered state, Shiro had crossed my path. He took very little time to scan my expression, but instead he observed the scarce stimulus around us in hopes to achieve the location of my distress. He placed his robotic hand on my shoulder, "Are you doing okay, Keith? Something seems to be getting to you."

I sighed, "It's just Lance."

Shiro took a second to come up with a few words of wisdom, but it seemed that he couldn't develop anything inspirational in the time that was given, "Give him a little longer. You two have been growing on each other and I've seen a lot of progression from the both of you," He formed a supportive smile at my rather unamused scowl, "Lance will get past the rivalry."

I was put off by what Shiro had to say. I didn't like the idea that I had to wait. I desperately wanted to know Lance's motivation behind all his behaviors. There was also an itchy ambiguity to Shiro's words of inducement. The future was incalculable and he had just promised an irrefutable event.

I did want Lance's rivalry with me to end. I wanted to finally come out of my shell, believing I could do so through Lance and his open, bubbly nature. I had been mistaken. I was unsure of the origin of our rivalry to begin with. Had it been constructed for some twisted social experiment? Had it been developed due to toxic masculinity? Or maybe Lance had created this dynamic because he, for whatever reason, had seen himself as inferior. Maybe he wanted to feel as if he was equal and was in control. He thought he was another wheel and possibly a seventh.

I took in a hefty breathe to the point where there was no longer room in my lungs. Lance kept pounding at my morality. I would have been surprised if he didn't move to put strain on my airstream. I loosened up my shoulders and let out a generous quantity of carbon dioxide. Sternly looking into Shiro's gentle, brown eyes, I only blinked once or twice, "I've decided on joining the Blade of Marmora. I'm backing down as I am not the leader you thought I was cut out to be. I have mislead Voltron on countless occasions and you should have stepped in immediately after you came back. I might be able to offer more to the Blade of Marmora than as the leader of Voltron. You are more capable than I am regardless and I only see this helping our cause."

Some concern lingered in his voice, "I'll inform the Blade Of Marmora then, Keith."

I could have pointed my finger for backing down at many things. Maybe I wanted to prove a point. That if Lance was going to be stubborn then so would I. Maybe I didn't want to be rejected. That his rejection would lead to everyone discarding me. That I could leave Voltron knowing that I left on my own decorum and that I wasn't pushed away. My intentions were pretty clear to me at that moment. I didn't want Lance to be constantly riddled by thoughts of self doubt. I wanted him to be the joyful and affectionate guy that I had come to befriend.

I felt this urge to open all my borders to Lance, I really did, but like how he wasn't ready to move past his scripted confidence to cover up his own worry, I was not ready to entirely let him in. A small part of me knew he couldn't emotionally cope with it either. Why else had he given such a theatrical response to having forgotten our bonding moment?

*  *  *  *  *

I was to assist the Blade of Marmora on a few trial missions before I was to inform everyone of my decision. Due to this, I had been neglecting my current duties as leader. I was looked down upon by my team.

"Guys, I-uh, I heard what happened. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help." I was taken aback by their cruel, judging glares.

"You keep saying you're sorry, but your actions display opposing intent." Allura stood her ground, emphasizing the importance of the coalition's previous mission that I had missed out on, "You do realize that your absence put the team in jeopardy?"

I clenched my fists when Lance added onto Allura's statement and my guilt, "Our team wasn't even the biggest concern of it all..." There was a hesitance to his words.

Pidge was sure to join in on the fun, interrupting Lance, "the entire quadrant was in trouble. We were barely able to save them and ourselves from Galra troops!"

I was appalled, "This is not the way I expected this to happen, but if there's any conciliation to any of this, my absence has allowed an opportunity for Shiro to re-establish his bond with the black lion." Apparently when everything had gone straight to shit, Shiro leaped into action. The black lion was all too accepting of its previous paladin, "Shiro can finally be the leader again, the leader I've been unable to be. I'm not meant to pilot the black lion."

"Is that why you've been pulling away from your duties?" Allura's anger quickly faded and almost turned into an expression that emulated pity.

"Yeah," I exhaled deeply before I announced my news, "Guys, the Blade of Marmora has requested that I join them. I've accepted their offer and it'll only be better for the team? Taking on this position means that there is a  possibility that I can infiltrate Lotor's plans and uncover his whereabouts. I have to do this for the coalition. Shiro needs to lead you all again as well."

Shiro smiled, nodding at my reveal to the team. Deep down, I figured he thought that this was the best call I could make for the team. He saw how overwhelmed I had become as leader. Of course he didn't regret his decision to have me lead in his absence, but he also knew he wasn't contributing much back in the sidelines, "Just know that we will always be here for you whenever you need us," he said with care.

"I know. I can't tell you how much that means to me." I forced an insincere smile. It did pain me to leave.

Shiro and I exchanged a hug as everyone in the  back was either in awe of my voluntary selection to leave the group or had teardrops beginning to cling onto their eyelashes. Hunk was the first to join in on my hug with Shiro. Everyone else eventually found themselves engaging in the farewell gesture. And Lance was the last to

"We are all going to miss you, Keith!" Pidge rubbed her teary eyes with the sleeve of her sweater.

"Yeah, who am I going to pester now?" Lance's voice seemed tired and on verge of breaking. It must have been due to the exhausting mission. I would have thought that he'd jump on the opportunity to bash me for not being a proper leader.

Allura managed a smile. She was ecstatic at the opportunities my resolution could bring the coalition, "I know what you'll do will only bring honor."

Allura's statement was to be taken as a collective comment from the group. That sentence had to last me my entire mission with the Blade of Marmara. I'd spend several days without the company of the team. My wish of solitude had finally been granted and I found myself doing the opposite of celebrating. I was mourning the potential loss of the new relationships that I had formed. Death was a viable outcome. This was truly dangerous.

The embrace was broken up and their shattered smiles and tears continued. I only turned my head once before continuing my departure, looking directly at my rival. He looked backed and I read the same expression that always mystified me. I didn't know what he wanted and I didn't know what he felt, but I wasn't going to let someone who looked so smitten have any more doubts about his self-worth.

That's why I left.