Touch; Ticci Toby X Reader

C. 25

Toby grabs the water and two pills, "Take these, it's the best we have at the moment."

Without arguing, Y/N takes the medicine then Toby helps her up and back into his room.

Instead of him laying her down on the couch, he moves her to his bed. She doesn't protest, falling asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow.

***

Her eyes open, just a bit, to meet the wall. Her stomach feels bruised and torn. Hours of vomiting has left her stomach empty. Her throat was sore, her head was thumping. Everything hurt.

"Should we wake her up?"She recognized the voice as BEN's.

"No. Just let her sleep--"And Toby.

"She's been sleeping for almost a day now, bro."

"She's sick, what do you expect? She needs to rest."

Y/N turns over to face the two with a sickly expression and dull eyes. Her eyes had dark circles under them. BEN and Toby immediately stopped talking, two pairs of eyes staring at her.

"Hey, crazy chick. Jeez, you look like shit--"

"Yes. Thank you, BEN."She replies sharply before Toby can, knowing he would insult him or hit him, however, his comment does not go without a glare from him.

Sitting up, she grimaced as her vision becomes hazy. She suddenly feels weak, her movements are very slow. Toby goes by her, helping her sit on the side of the bed. He gives her a small smile, "How does a bath sound?"

"Great, actually."She stands up from the bed, Toby slinging his arm around her waist to make sure she wouldn't tumble over. She can't wait to relax.

***

Y/N slides down into the water, letting it hug her in a warm embrace. For a second, she doesn't know what to do. She studies the white soap suds in the water, scooping up handfuls to entertain herself.

The silence lets her think, her mind wanders to things. To memories, to wishes.

She wished the tub would expand so she could go swimming like she used to on hot summer Sundays in the woods with her father. Those days were a special treat. Those days were also very dead.

Her father. Someone who she didn't think much about. Has he married again? Kids? Did he know she escaped the asylum? She's positive its been all over the news, if not then someone has made him aware of his runaway daughter.

She hasn't heard much about the asylum, anything at all really. They don't have a TV or even a radio to hear news about that place. She despised it there, the people who worked there were all cruel and unprofessional. She thinks they should be put out of business, for sure.

Despite all of her struggles, things were okay, everything was okay.

She is okay.

Pulled from her thoughts as she gazes at her arms, she grimaces as she catches glimpse of the marks she brought upon herself.

There were many scars, all over her arms up to her forearms. They would never go away, as well as the previous ones that were slowly healing damaged skin.

The scars on her arms are reminders that she isn't normal. That she never will be normal. This was her life now, as a torn down soul waiting for rest on her ongoing, agonizing adventures.

Just waiting for it all to end. Waiting for days to go by faster, waiting for things to get a little better. Waiting was all she could do.

Even after an hour of staring upwards, her mind refuses to wander to something else other than her troubles. She steps out of the tub and begins to get changed into the black t-shirt and gray sweats Toby had given her.

Her arms no longer needed to be bandaged up, yet all she wanted to do was cover them forever. So she did, without gauze, she wrapped them up as they were before.

Maybe next time she can control herself. Maybe she could remember herself when all she wants to do is hide or run away.

And she does.

A wall filled with mist and fog has now separated her from everything. Emotions are colors so they are black and grey. Her smile falters and melts away. Everything is muffled and washed-out from her mind.

She is in a place, a dark place. Where there is nothing. There will always be nothing but herself and her thoughts. Nowhere to go, nowhere to be. A place where she loses herself.

So she stays there, in that dark place, as all goes on pass her. Time continues without her consent and she is unaware of what she is doing beyond the wall and out her eyes. All self-control is stripped away. Clocks are ticking, minutes and hours go by while she is there at that dark place.

But eventually, everything passes. She escapes, words and touches warm her, colors are all she wants to see and believe in, she is free and aware.

Though she is free, she isn't ready when she opens her eyes to see her environment has changed. To find herself in the living room crumpled on the floor held tightly in two arms.

The bandages she had put on were gone and now she feels sick to her stomach at the new marks etched into her skin.

Toby is there, holding her against his chest. She finds herself crying. She doesn't remember what she had done.

She doesn't remember walking out of the bathroom.

She doesn't remember walking down the hall while discarding herself of the shield around her arms, keeping her safe and clean.

Nothing, but the tears on her face and the faint sting in her arms tell her what has happened.

She couldn't stop herself. She had already begun and it was too late to ever possibly stop.

Her words fall deaf as she becomes fully conscious, her once dazed over eyes are now blinking those dreadful tears away. Trying to remind herself what had happened. To remind herself that this isn't who she should be.

Toby had one arm around her as she sat in his lap against him on the floor. His other hand held its palm on her cheek.

"There you go, sunshine. It's okay now. It's okay."He speaks against her forehead as he leans close, rocking her forward and backward ever so slightly. Y/N can't see his expression, she could only hear his voice that was quiet and heavy.

Her e/c eyes are wide as they dart all around her. Her hair is completely dry from her bath so she wonders how long she has been in this state. How long Toby has been trying to pull her out of it. It must have been hours. She feels ashamed of herself, disgusted.

She turns her head to his neck and takes shaky breaths as she tries to ignore the warm clamping feeling of blood trailing down her arms.

The wall of fog and mist have disappeared, leaving her to fend on her own without the barricade that she despised and loved so dearly at the same time.

Her world was no longer static.

I've lost track of who has made what because I'm getting sent so much fanart. I think it would be easy for me just to post it here without a name, and if you comment saying it's yours I will edit the chapter and credit you. (Sorry about that!)

Gorgeous drawing made by @CookieCake67. Thank you for making this, it looks so amazing!! <3