Touch; Ticci Toby X Reader

C. 18

She has to resist the urge to touch his hair that crowded around his face perfectly, silver moonlight shining through the window and onto his face making him look paler than usual.

She lays on her side facing him and closes her eyes in pleasure after hours of driving.

Finally, she could get some sleep.

***

An insane laugh. A laugh filled with cruelty and pain. A laugh that filled Y/N with fear and suffering that tormented her mind.

It wasn't her laughing, it was the man beside her. Toby.

 Her eyes open with a start from the sudden pressure around her neck and she feels Toby's grip becoming tighter. "I killed you.. you're supposed to be dead! Why...why are you here? Why?!"

His cold palms pressing against her throat; she could feel her windpipe closing. His eyes burned with emptiness and anger as her lungs burn with pain, his brown hair tickling her cheeks because he was close to her face. She felt his breath on her face that was covered by a thin layer of sweat.

"You were never a good father, you fucking bastard. I hate you. I hate..." His grip tightened.

 Her mouth falls open, and she uses the rest of her remaining strength to speak, ".. Toby...It's Y/N!" She has run out of oxygen and can't breathe now.

Her vision is becoming black at the edges and she was trying hard not to slip away. Stay awake.

Toby suddenly looks at her alarmed, his hands immediately loosened around her neck and she starts to gasp for oxygen and her once burning lungs begin to feel at ease again. The shock of what just happened has frozen her in place, terrified.

Without a word, Toby flops on top of her on the driver's seat and hugs her tightly, his face in her neck as he repeats 'I'm sorry' over and over again.

Y/N glances down at him, her neck wet with tears. She could never be mad at him, after all, she understood what he just went through. She wouldn't admit she was scared though. That would make him feel worse.

She hugs his spasming figure with limp arms, one hand in his messy brown hair. No words from her were needed, she didn't need to say it was okay or that she forgives him.

She knew now that Toby only needed comfort. So that's what she gave him and hugged his twitching figure close.

Minutes and minutes have passed, while he was calming down, she starts thinking of what caused him to freak out. His fear of driving cars, his father. She's curious, but she won't ask him because she doesn't want to make him uncomfortable or bring up bad memories.

Toby is still silent beside her until he begins to speak in a quiet voice.

"I was homeschooled at an early age..because my disorders made me unsuited for a public school. Before that, I was bullied and was called 'Ticci Toby' because of my damn tics,"

"My mother and my older sister, Lyra, were always there for me. But my excuse for a father was lost in alcohol and drugs, he was never a good influence. It only got worse when he decided to become abusive towards us. Especially me," He stops when his voice begins to quiver. She doesn't interrupt him and just listens.

"When I was seventeen, my sister and I were involved in a car accident that resulted in...Lyra's death," He stops, breathed in a shaky breath."Not once did my father visit her in the hospital, even when she took her last breath he wasn't there. He didn't care."

"From there the rest is a messy blur, and I killed that bastard without noticing until I heard my mother's screams. I attempted lighting the whole neighborhood on fire hoping I could escape this ugly world...but he..."He stops, his voice trailing off to a slur.

With pitied filled eyes, she watches him fall asleep. She had also experienced losing a sibling and completely understood what he was going through.

It was hard. Losing someone so close that you cherished with every ounce of your being and then they're dead. Gone forever.

And you can't do anything about it, no matter how much you cry and grieve for them there was no possible way to bring them back.

All you can do is tolerate the pain or end it all.

At that moment, she realized she never gave up, even when she so desperately wanted to. She kept living through each day. Joanne was wrong about her, so was Saskia, all of the doctors and nurses. They were all wrong about her.

They had to be wrong, why else would she still be here breathing and dreaming?

***

The sun was a cruel mistress, beating down on Y/N in a relentless way as she eats a banana for the first time in 3 years and she couldn't be happier to be away from the disgusting slop they gave her at the mental asylum.

Y/N smiles in delight as Toby walks ahead of her eating one also.

They had to abandon their vehicle at a store parking lot because they didn't have any money to pay for gas, Toby said he could easily steal another car but she refused. Toby also managed to steal bags of food and drinks from the store while she was sleeping. She hopes he didn't hurt anyone.

"Wait...where are we even going?"She asks him.

Not once since she was free was she concerned about where they were going. She just kinda followed him wherever he went and didn't give much thought about it.

Toby slows down to Y/N's pace who was a few steps back."I have a place up in the mountains, kinda like a secret hideout, I share it with a couple of...friends. But they never go there so we probably won't run into them."He tossed his banana peel onto the ground and pulls out another from the grocery bag."I resupply it every two weeks with food, it has electricity and running water. The place is pretty nice, too"

"Friends?"She has so many questions she's ready to burst with the curiosity clawing at her.

 Toby pats her shoulder reassuringly, "We'll talk later, I promise."

But she can't wait, she is an encyclopedia with too many blank pages craving knowledge.

Wonderful drawing made by @MarandaMcarthur. Thank you, it looks awesome! :D