Touch; Ticci Toby X Reader

C. 31

Watching his pale cheeks begin to dust with the faintest color, she stands up from the couch with her journal in hand.

"I'm going to jump in the shower." She tells him leaving him hanging, studying his frustrated face as she takes her leave down the hallway.

"Can I jo-"

"No."

***

Her father used to tell her that some point in time, that the world would break her. He told her humans were always too greedy to even to take a moment to fish out your own needs.

Even in despair and in need of help, he said, you will be abandoned by someone you love. He warned her. She might have understood at the time if she wasn't so caught up breathing in life and so absorbed with everything.

If she wasn't so ungrateful and she knows she should have taken a short moment to understand, to just think, of how lucky she was. To have family, friends. To share laughs and smiles with one another.

'..and it will hurt,'She remembers him looking her in the eyes while speaking. He sounded sincere, concerned almost. He was just telling her of the hardships that could happen, if ever. Father to daughter. They always had a strong connection when she was a little girl.

She just didn't expect that person who would leave her would be him.

He was her father, her role model. But he threw it all away the moment he pushed her away because he was ashamed the way she turned out after the incident.

In her despair, he left her. In her hardships, he pushed her aside. In her pain, he wasn't there and remained somewhere else. Away from her and her problems that he wasn't willing enough to help fix.

He ripped her off like a band-aid and threw her away. He did it quickly, he did it so easily.

And left her to waste away.

He may have done something unforgivable to her, but she can't bring herself to ever hate him. He was her father, she loved him. Even if it hurt. Even if it made her heart numb. The memories and moments they shared together years and years ago made her hold onto it, the years of where she cherished him like a small treasure.

Now, however, she wasn't sure if she wanted to ever see him. He probably doesn't, not after hearing his daughter escaped a hospital for crazy people.

It's hard to believe that it's already been almost two weeks since she was broken out of the asylum. Almost two weeks since she murdered someone. It still haunts her, in her dreams. The scene sometimes plays before her eyes, the sound of a skull being split open. The sound of her slightly huffing, a laugh at the back of her throat as she stared bemusedly at her deformed figure. The puddle of red that grew and grew...

Of course, she hasn't forgotten of doing such a thing, it will forever be imprinted in her head. She knew she would never forgive herself, knew she would never feel guilty. Her feelings clash one another forever conflicted.

It had been really quiet at the cabin since BEN had left, five days ago. Toby has been in and out of the cabin, doing who knows what. As far as she knew he was out killing people to deal with his troubles. She wishes he wouldn't, it still disturbed her.

It was hard to accept that fact that he was a serial killer, she still couldn't wrap her head around it but has somewhat come to terms with it. She knew she would never understand why he enjoyed doing it because her family was murdered. There was no getting over something like that.

Just like when she killed Saskia, the image of her loved one's dead bodies were still clear to her, she remembers the amount of blood there was, the way she reacted, the way she screamed as she was pulled away.

Toby was acting weird, being secretive.

At some point, he was gone for almost two days and when she had asked him where he had been he simply shrugged her off and said she didn't need to worry about it.

That led to an argument that happened just hours ago. She was currently sitting on the porch, staring at nothing still repeating their fight in her head.

Y/N was angry at him. He would leave and come back as if he was never gone, to begin with. He was tight-lipped about everything and didn't take time to actually say hello, either.

He held secrets and she wanted them out. Out in the open, exposed. Though she knew that wouldn't happen.

Sighing softly, Y/N looks up at the sky. The sunset today was beautiful, especially since spring was expected to be starting in a few weeks. She couldn't wait to feel the warm temperatures again.

The sky went from orange to pink from the somewhat visible sun, the clouds had a light pink hue of blush. The trees were dark, black silhouettes pressed against the sky as it slowly got darker outside.

She is pulled out of her daydream when the door opens and closes behind her, she remains sitting on the steps knowing it was Toby. She was still irritated at him and didn't wish to talk to him.

A weight lands on her head, a hand. She looks to the side to see Toby kneeling beside her. He has a guilty expression and looks like he is reluctant to what he wants to say.

She already knows he is leaving again. He has his duffle bag swung over his shoulder, his goggles and mouth guard hanging loosely around his neck.

She looks at him warily, "You're not leaving this late, are you?" She didn't want to believe he was leaving again. She may still be mad at him, but she couldn't help but feel concerned. "It's not safe and I'm sure whatever is so important you must do can wait tomorrow morning." She tells him, her anger slowly resurfacing from earlier.

Toby withdraws his hand from her head, "I'm sorry, sunshine but I have to-"

"Have to what? Why are you being so secretive?" Y/N scowls, "It just shows how much you trust me. And that trust is obviously lacking, by a lot." She knew she had a right to mad so she didn't sugarcoat her words. She felt untrusted and not reliable.

Toby sighs in a troubled manner and arises from his kneeling position to look down at her, "I'm really sorry. I need to go, okay? I'll see you tomorrow."

And he leaves without looking back.

Thank you for the fan art, they both look amazing! :)