Touch; Ticci Toby X Reader

C. 00

**TRIGGER WARNING**

This story may be triggering for those who suffer from self-harm or depression. If you are sensitive to these things, be cautious if you decide to read on.

If this is your second time reading, don't comment any spoilers :)

And for those who are new to Xreaders, (please DO NOT comment what you/your character looks like) If you do, it will immediately be deleted.
Y/N: your name
L/N: last name
E/C: eye color
H/L: hair length
H/C: hair color

I wrote this when I was 14/15, so don't mind the grammatical errors, OCC character moments or plot holes;')

***

She missed the times her father would pull her up from under her arms and bounce her up. She remembers that her hands would grasp and try to pull down the sky when she landed back in his arms, full of laughter.

She missed the times when she was holding ever so tightly on his leg as he tried to walk forward.

She missed him when she found out he was gone, leaving only a smashed bottle against the wall. Her mom bawling her eyes out, pregnancy test in hand. The baby belonging to another man.

She didn't understand at the time. Why had he left, did he not love her anymore? Did she do something wrong?

She was 10 at the time. Her mother pulling her close while she cried into her neck, staining her neck with tears.

Her father left them four years ago, today was her 14th birthday.

"... Y/N?"A small voice comes from behind her.

Y/N whirled behind her, startled. A smile tugs at her lips at the sight of Lucas, he was standing in nothing but a diaper and a blue shirt.

"Hey Lucas," She greets him with false cheerfulness.

His big eyes look up at her, his eyelashes brushing under his furrowed eyebrows."Why are you crying?"

Her heart falters, she crouched down so that they were eye level."Why are you sad?" He questioned her innocently, "You have a ouchie?"

"No, "Y/N chuckles, "I'm okay."

"Y/N! Your friends are here!"She hears her mom call from downstairs.

Y/N releases Lucas from her grip and stands up."I got to go, bud. I'll see you later."She ruffles his hair as she walks out of her doorway and down the stairs to see all of her friends by the front door, her mother held it open.

"Bye, mom!"

"Be safe!"

***

Y/N stares, bored, at her friend as she went on and on about something that didn't cease to matter to anyone but herself.

Her eyes look out the window. She and her friends were hanging out at a cafe. The sky was beautiful today as the sunset. The sky was flourished with bright orange and pink, the few dappled clouds even had a light, pink tint.

"Y/N, are you listening to me?"Saskia, a girl that one of her other friends brought along with that she has only spoken to a couple of times, asked. Y/N was positive she hated her guts. "Huh?"Y/N doesn't spare her a glance, continuously to marvel the sunset.

"You never listen to me, Y/N. It's really getting on my nerves," She complains rather loudly, her dark hair rolled over her shoulder. Hazel eyes piercing her.

Y/N looks at her from the corner of her eyes, a small mocking smile on her face, "Good."

"Holy-! Y/N, look!"

She gazes up to where her friend points. It was the TV in the corner, it was on the live news.

A picture of her house. Police cars and ambulances. Yellow police tape going all the way across the road to keep the crowd of people out.

Y/N doesn't even listen to what they are saying, she just shoots up from her seat.

Her friends call her name as she runs out of the cafe, her eyes wide with fear and tears brimmed.

By the time she had reached her house, her sides were aching. She pushes through the crowd of people that goes under the yellow police tape in a hurry.

Y/N shoves an officer off her and bolts into the house, locking the door behind her before they could stop her. She didn't see anyone inside, so she relaxed just a bit.

The house was quiet. She shouts for her mother, her brother, and the house was still silent. She almost trips while trampling up the stairs and into her mother's room, the door creaked open. Police banging on the door, breaking it open.

She flung open the door in a hurry, "Mom-"

She saw her mom. She was just sitting there on her favorite chair, Lucas was slumped over her like he may be asleep. The way she was sitting, on her side, she had one arm stretched out on her side where her phone was, it's screen was on. Her hand was all bloody. Her other hand lay limply on Lucas's side

She stops when she sees red. Blood was everywhere. And Y/N became cold and frozen and not breathing. A gunshot there, and shot here. One of his stomach and one on her mother's temple.

Her voice breaks, she can't speak. It cracks and she finally steps forward. Too shocked to cry, too shocked to hear the police racing up the stairs.

She reaches out, hand trembling and falling. She touches Lucas's small cheek. The tiniest little red smudge there. His eyes were closed, his mouth gaped open.

"Lucas... Lucas..."

A hand snatched around Y/N and pulled her back, pinning her to a hard body. Another man, a police officer with a gun in hand briefly examining the bodies and quickly looking away. Her family's dead corpses.

She hadn't realized she was screaming until it died in the air. It died and joined the other screams as she was led away by the officer.

Y/N thrashed and screamed, her lungs refused to suck in air. She wanted to stop time, die with that scream so this pain she was feeling would only be a cold memory.

Then it comes. Her lungs expand, her body decides for itself. She's one breath away from them, then two, then three, then four, then five. Too far, it was too far.

She's still breathing.

That was three years ago.

And now she's staring out a small window, in a small room, with a small bed thinking of times of when it would all finally be over.