Penny For Your Thoughts

Bound by the Flesh

Disgust filled him,
Looking down
From the outside he looked normal
Until you stripped the layers away
A shock of colour
Distracting against his skin
Showed all
(But mostly him)
Constricted and bound
The parts of him he wished he didn't have.

He looked in the mirror
His gaze harsh
At the soft curves
And the lack of angles and edges
His flat bound chest
Leading to a small waist
Blossoming into curvy hips
And he stared, and stared
But all he could see were his imperfections.

Voices got him from time to time
The smooth, deep tones of men
The high velvet notes of women
Those lucky few
Who at least had androgyny to their names
And he wished his voice
To express who he really was
And not be labelled something he is not
But the world is cruel
And unfair
He's luckier than most.

He fell in love
Well, at least a crush
They were like him
In the sense that they were male
He didn't care though
He was attracted to their strength
Their masculinity
Whether they were born
In the wrong body like him
Or born in the right body
They were beautiful
And on some level, he was jealous
'Why can't I have that'
So he watched and watched
But never touched
Never asked
Only thought
About the possibilities of tomorrow.

**Rant Warning**
For those that don't know, I'm FTM Transgender. I'm just going through some dysphoria right now, so this is my way of venting. My dad is transphobic (and homophobic, which is a double whammy for me as I am pan), so I can't come out to him. My mom knows, but she still misgenders me which is really fucking rough. And I feel like I can't fucking tell anyone because I'll be rejected, or I'm not masculine enough to be taken seriously, or they'll tell me I'm "too young" to understand what I'm talking about, and the fuckton of other reasons why. While my dysphoria isn't as bad as some, there are times (hell, most of the time) where I can't stop staring at my hips, and how they curve, or how my shoulders are small, or my chest protrudes just enough to be noticeable without a binder. How my voices is too high, and people mistake me all the time for a girl, but I can't get on T or anything because my dad would notice, and my mom doesn't fully acknowledge me being a man. I just, it's hard right now, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Sorry for the rant guys.