A New Love

Fourteen

A few days later, Alex and I were in my room watching a show on Netflix. One of the characters said something funny and Alex laughed. He glanced over at my lack of response. I had been lost in thought the whole time.

"Hey, everything alright?" he nudged me.

No! I wanted to scream. Harry got into my head and fucked around with my feelings. "Yeah, I'm okay. My head just hurts."

"Do you want me to leave so you can get some rest?" he asked.

He was too sweet. I nodded and he turned off the laptop. I sat up and watched as he pulled on his shoes.

"We can do something tomorrow if you're feeling better. If not, I'll bring you some food, okay?"

I forced a smile. "Thank you, Alex. I don't deserve you."

He playfully rolled his eyes and gave me a kiss. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"Yeah. We'll talk tomorrow." We needed to talk.

He turned and started walking out the door. And it was in that moment I realized, I didn't see myself being with Alex in the long run. Loving him the way that Harry said. He needed someone who was 100% invested in this relationship and I just... wasn't.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought about breaking up with him again. I couldn't imagine the pain I was causing him. I wasn't trying to string him along, I just kept wishing I would eventually love him, but I couldn't will something like that to happen. I also could not stay with him just to spare his feelings. I didn't want to be like his past girlfriend, but he did deserve more. More than I would be able to offer. I was sure he would be able to find it.

I pressed the heels of my palms against my eyes to keep myself from crying. What the hell was I supposed to say to him? Maybe I should ask Joy. She had been surprised I got back together with Alex, but supported it either way. She said she wanted me to be happy.

I felt like Harry would be more appropriate in helping me sort out my thoughts. I mean, he was the one who sparked this. I should sleep on it first.

I went into the bathroom to make sure I didn't look like I had been crying. I switched on the light and stared at myself in the mirror. My face looked blotchy and red. I shook my head and turned on the sink to splash cold water on my face. When I looked up, Harry's reflection was behind my own.

My hands flew up to my chest as I spun around. "Oh my fucking—"

"Sorry," he said with a smile.

I turned off the water, shaking my head. "Don't do that! You scared the shit out of me. Do you like lurking around?"

He chuckled. "Only to see your reaction. What are you doing?" he asked.

I sniffled a little. "I was watching a show with Alex, but he went home."

He stepped closer to me, narrowing his eyes as he took in my appearance. "Are you crying?"

I blew out a breath and looked up. "Sad show," I lied.

He gave me a look. "Y/N..."

I leaned against sink. "What?"

He stuck his hands into the pockets of his sweats. "Come on. What happened? Were you arguing with him again?"

"No, I just—" I dragged my hands through my hair. "I know I have to break up with him, but I don't know how. That's all I can think about."

"Tell him how you feel," he said matter-of-factly.

"I'm not good at doing that, Harry," I replied frustratingly. "If I was, then this wouldn't be a problem."

"Well, I am not sure what to say. It's not like I can break up with him for you."