The Unextraordinary Life of Alexandra Jane (Editing)

Chapter Thirty-Three: Wanting

I feel Harry's weight leave my body, I turn to find him storming into the house. 

I'm right behind him, shutting the door behind me. He's standing at the place where the kitchen and living room connect, his hands tangled in his hair his feet slowly pacing the small space.

The house still looks the same as I left it a week ago. Dust has set in over the furniture and Vanilla comes running in when she hears us. I take her in my arms and scratch behind her ear, Harry has been coming to feed and take her outside in the time I was, sick. 

"Is it true?" Harry's voice is deep and bounces off the walls

"Is what true?" I ask setting Vanilla down. I watch her swiftly walk away towards my room, not even looking towards Harry's direction. She's always loved him and has always been excited to see him but now, even she can feel the tension in the room.

"Do," Harry sighs loudly "Do you have syphilis?" His voice is much quieter and his cheeks rise up so his eyes pull down at the corners, showing nothing but hurt and wishing I say no.

I look down at my feet and try to find the right words but all I do is nod once and look up to see his eyes change, his jaw clench, his face change.

My heart starts to race as I see his eyes fade into darkness. He stumbles back as if I just slapped him across the face. I look down and let my hair fall like a curtain blocking him from my view. I am no longer looking at the boy I once loved I'm now looking at the boy I've hurt and possibly even broken. I try to meet his gaze as he turns slowly and makes his way towards the kitchen counter in slow paces. I want to walk to him and hug him but I notice that my feet are glued to the floor, unable to move, not wanting to move, afraid that any sudden movement or word can trigger him. He runs his hands through his hair smoothing it down. As I continue to watch him I notice his back muscles tense up as he grips the counter, he lets out a loud sigh. I think I almost see a small shake in his shoulders but maybe it was just my eyes playing a trick on me. After what seemed like forever he finally turns to look at me and that's when my heart breaks. His eyes once showed warmth and life, are now full of tears and agonizing pain. What have I done

"Why" he mumbles

I don't know what to say, I just continue to watch him as tears stream down my face. I realize I have been fiddling with my fingernails down to the nub. I look down and am surprised they haven't started bleeding. I stuff them into my jean pockets and begin to count the seconds that go by, making circles with the tip of my shoe. Why did this day have to come so soon? Why me? Why him? I only made it to seventy two when my counting is interrupted by the sound of glass shattering into a million little pieces. I jerk my head up to see him closer to me than before and the vase that minutes ago held fresh flowers now oblivious. I look at him and I see the vein in his neck pulsing with rage, his jaw clenched and his fists at his sides, his eyes livid.

"I just don't understand why this has to happen to you!" He screams, his voice raspy and full of pain.

His words hit me like a truck and my knees buckle and I fall.

I drop my head in my hands and begin to sob. He leans down and I feel his arms rap around me, bringing me to his chest, I feel him shaking so I know he's crying too. I try to push him away but his embrace only tightens. My sobs escape my clenched teeth and turn into muffled screams as I ball his shirt up wanting to pound my fist into his chest for yelling at me, for letting me love him and for loving me back. I grip his bicep and try to steady myself as I turn to look at him. I catch the tear on his cheek as I push his hair out of his face and stare into his bloodshot eyes. His nostrils expanding with every breath he takes. I press my lips to his forehead the pull a away to press my forehead to his wishing time would stop so we could stay intertwined in each others arms, letting the world spin around us.