The Unextraordinary Life of Alexandra Jane (Editing)

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Hello, Goodbye

Because you are all awesome, here's the double update :)

I look into his sea green eyes, they're surrounded by pink where the whites of his eyes are supposed to be and purple where his dark circles are supposed to be.

"Harry" I gasp

What is he doing here? What happened to his face? 

"You won't get rid of me that easy Alexandra Jane" is all he says before smiling and pressing his lips to mine

I close my eyes as my hands, out of habit, go to his head, getting tangled in the mess of curls 

His lips are soft but hold a roughness to them, I feel the cut on his lip as my lips move around his. His tongue pushes through as our kiss deepens, getting more passionate, more needing, all I do is crave him, want him, now and forever. 

But I can't have him

I pull away when I come back to reality

"I can't" Is all I manage to say 

I look at my surroundings and notice I'm alone. 

"Dammit I missed my flight, Harry what the hell happened to your face" I say lowering my head

He presses his forehead to mine and sighs

"I'm sorry but, why'd you leave me Alex?" I hear the hurt in his voice and feel my chest contract 

"I- We, can't do this Harry" tears begin to stream down my face as the words slip out 

He moves to sit next to me and takes my hands in his

"Why, and don't tell me it was all in that letter because I don't believe a single word you said, that was utter bullshit"

I begin to shake my head, I can't tell him. 

"It was true" I whisper 

"You're lying" he quickly fire back 

"If that was true, you wouldn't have stayed with me those three last days. We were happy Alex, even if it was just for three days you know we were fucking happy. What changed?" 

He bends at his torso so his head is below mine, trying to look into my eyes that have trailed to my hands in his.

"If the doctor told you, you had syphilis, it's okay Alex. I don't care. I just want you and that's it. If I have it I don't care as long as I'm with you Alex. I know it's hard to believe, we are only 17 and 18, but we've gone through hell and back, together. You know me better than anybody and now that my mom spends her time with Robin, I need you more than ever. Nothing will ever change how much I love you okay? Because that's true, I fucking love you with all my being, I love you with every inch of my soul that I have, as fucked up as it might be, I'll give you my all just to make you happy. Let me make you happy"

"I can't" I begin to weep, I clench my jaw trying to mark the pain his words cause

"Tell me you don't love me" he asks, his voice getting low and emotionless

"Harry I-"

"Just tell me you don't love me, tell me you don't feel the same shit I feel in my stomach when I see you walk by in a T shirt and jeans, tell me your heart doesn't pound a thousand times faster like mine does when you smile or laugh, tell me you don't feel a single thing for me and I'll leave you alone forever"

I lift my head, looking into his eyes, his lips his eyebrows which are pushed together, everything about him makes me want to understand what about him makes me want him the way I do