The Unextraordinary Life of Alexandra Jane (Editing)

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Moving

EXTREMLY SHORT CHAPTER BUT HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT ILYSM!! xx

As I chase Harry in the meadow behind my house he stops abruptly and I crash into him. We both tumble down the hill and Harry lands on top of me laughing, the sun shines on his angelic face as his curls tickle my cheeks. I continue to laugh as he cranes his neck and places soft kisses on my forehead, cheeks and neck.

"Harry" I giggle

His lips becoming more aggressive as they travel down my jaw and neck

"Harry stop" I laugh nervously

His hands tighten around my wrists and his weight shifts placing himself in between my legs.

"Harry!" I scream as I see the beauty of day morph into the darkness of night

I watch as Harry's curls disappear and are replaced by the same buzz cut that's invaded my every dream turning it into the worst of nightmares

I try to scream but my voice is lost as I relive the pain and humiliation

"Harry!" I scream when the weight lifts of my body

I thrash in the cold mud screaming his name over and over but he doesn't hear me

"Alex! It's okay! It's just a dream! Wake up!"

My eyes snap open at the sound of his voice a pair of familiar eyes staring down at me. I sit up immediately and notice I'm drenched in sweat and Harry's hands hold me at my shoulders and my fingers tightly hold the soft fabric of his shirt. I scan the room and relax slightly, the lamp on the table next to me is on as usual, illuminating the room well enough for me to know I'm still in Harry's room.

I lean back against the cold wall shutting my eyes for a split second then opening them to see Harry sitting on the edge of the bed staring down at his hands in his lap.

My heart aches for him. I want to reach over and hug him, hold his hand and thank him for everything he's done for the past two weeks since the dance, but our contact has been so minimal i've forgotten how to even talk to him.

Ever since the night he cut my hair all I've tried to make an effort to eat and shower without feeling like he's been doing it all for me but after I did the whole scissors to wrist thing, he stands in the bathroom by the door waiting for me to get done then standing outside the bathroom door waiting for me to get dressed. All in silence

The time I've been here at Harry's he has never noticed or caught me staring at him. I watch his eyes when he sits in his arm chair every night and waits until I fall asleep. I watch them sometimes and find them staring back at me but then quickly blink their way to another space in the room. It should feel creepy but I feel safe knowing he's there with me.

The nightmares aren't as bad as they were the first couple of days when I woke up screaming in the middle of the night making Harry rush to my side and Anne jump out of bed. I cried afterwards wanting the images to get out of my head but they were still there when I closed my eyes or when I blinked, as if they were engraved on the darkness behind me eyelids. The panic i feel when I lay down for bed and feel like at any moment someone will be trying to dominate my body, try to hurt me once again never leaves.

The nightmares might have decreased but the pain is still there reminding me that it this isn't just some fantasy, based on the monster under your bed, These nightmares were based on memories which were dangerously more real than I wanted them to be.

"What time is it?" I ask my voice sounding dry and croaked

Harry looks at me confusion in his eyes at the sound of my voice

"Um, it's almost four, you still have a couple of hours to sleep" He yawns rubbing the sleep from his eyes

"Oh, okay" I answer, anxiety slowly building up in my chest

I watch him nod and slowly begin to rise from the bed, heading over to the arm chair he's grown to fold himself into

"Harry?" I say timidly

"Yeah?" he asks turning to face me

"Could, you maybe" I look down at my lap embarrassed by my crappy request

"You, you want me to lay with you?" he asks, excitement and hope clear in his voice

I nod and look up, a smile begins to form on his face making his dimples show more than ever

"If it's not too much trouble" I ask giving him my best smile at the moment

He reaches for his pillow and walks over to slide in next to me

"You've always been trouble Alexandra Jane" he smirks and I elbow him softly in the stomach.

He places both hands behind his head and we lay on our backs about two feet apart, staring at the ceiling fan spin above us

Almost three months ago we were like this, exactly like this. Only Harry couldn't walk and I wasn't damaged. Harry was hurting and I was his rock. I wanted Harry and he didn't want me, I wonder if that's still true, and if it is then why has he been so nice to me? Probably feels guilty for treating me the way he has.

So much has gone by in just three months I can't believe it's already mid-December.

I feel the warmth from Harry's body cut through the cold December air like a butter knife under the thin blankets and I shiver.

"Cold?" he asks propping himself up on an elbow, facing me

"A little" I admit

"Let me get you some blankets" he says beginning to pull the covers over his body

"No" I say I little to quickly tugging at the sleeve of his gray shirt "It's okay, I'm okay" I say

"Okay?" He says pushing his eyes brows together laying back down on his left side, his back facing me

After a few minutes I hear his usual soft snores fill the room, I begin to scoot my body closer and closer to him every know and again eventually only leaving enough space for him to turn around if he were to wake up.

I look at his body rise and fall with every breath he takes, his long curls brushing the bottom of his neck.

I twirl a single curl in my fingers as I think about everything we are taught in school. They say rape victims suffer depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts among other short and long term effects but the most common one is trust. 

They say a victim might never fully trust another man or even human being in many cases because they feel like they will end up hurt or that they need to protect themselves from any and everyone. I felt like that up until now. Now that I see the kind of person Harry's been hiding behind the mask he's always worn, the kind of person I thought I knew but never really interacted with. I know now, that he would never have a reason to gain my trust back, regardless of his mistakes. He's been the only constant in my life for months now, if it's not fighting with Harry, it's thinking of Harry or wanting Harry, or missing Harry. I'm tired of reaching for a feeling I've never experienced before. I want to know what it's like to have Harry.

My body reacts without telling my mind and I wrap my arms around Harry's waist and press my cheek against his back, feeling his warmth shoot through my body 

I feel him stiffen at my touch then relax.

"I love you" I whisper meaning each word.

I stay like that as my eye lids become heavy with sleep

"I love you more" is that last thing I hear before smiling into his back and falling asleep to the sound of soft snores and the pitter patter of rain hitting on the roof