When most girls think about their 15th birthday they think of pink fluffy dresses, a crown, pretty hair, ball room, dancing, etc. Most of them get it, depends on how much money your family has. Or sometimes they prefer a car. An amazing sports car or just any car because they would like to be like the other teens.
When I thought of my 15th birthday I didn't lie to myself, I knew what to expect. What I knew was that it would be like any other day; go to school, get home and eat, do homework, and watch tv. Along with the usual note mom left on the kitchen which said something like 'I'm out for today I already went to buy groceries and snacks.' I sometimes thought that she used the same note over and over again.
But a week after my birthday I saw keys on the table along with the note but this note said something different.
'These are the keys to the car I bought you. It's in the garage. Use the money to take driving classes. Good Luck.'
That was the closet she got to being a mother, but there was no 'happy late birthday' written on it. I had gone to the garage and found the car. But I didn't care for the car. I wanted to have a family again and that's where Mrs. Chandler and Tom came in. They were like my grandparent.
It happened when my mom got her new job. When I couldn't cook shit and sometimes only ate small snacks that were in the kitchen or candy. But that one day mom hadn't gone out to get groceries and there wasn't anything I could cook, she hadn't even left me money and I didn't have anything to eat since breakfast the day before.
I was starting to get dizzy that one day and had decided to go outside because maybe I just needed fresh air, that's what I thought at the time. But what really happened that day was that it was so hot outside and I ended up passing out in the driveway. When I woke up, Mrs.Chandler was leaning over me with a wet towel on her hand.
She had asked me what was wrong but I had told her that I was fine and she obviously didn't believe me. My stomach had growled very loudly that I swear the other side of the world probably heard my stomach grow. She had laughed at me and brought me in to her house, that's where I met Tom. He was sitting in the living room watching tv.
She fed me and gave me some more food to take home and that's where it all started. Mrs. Chandler and Tom were the closet thing I had to a family but they were old people and my trust issues were out of control back then so I didn't get very close to them.
The car was great and all but I only used it to go to the library or buy food or clothes. When people get new cars they always use it to go to school to show it off. I didn't do that. The reason why was because if people found out how rich 'I' truly was then I would have 'friends'. I didn't want fake friends who only followed me around school because I was rich. I wanted true friends who didn't just stop talking to me because I pushed them away. I didn't know why I did that but that was when I needed them the most.
The car was the one thing I had that would show how truly rich 'I' was because of my moms job. She got payed a lot of money doing whatever it is that she does.
Since I didn't use my car to go to school I had thought about using the bus but here were too many people so I walked to school everyday. I was lucky that it was only a 20 minute walk to school, not very far.
There were times when a few people from school saw me with my car and the next day try to start a conversation with me or ask me to hang out with them but I wasn't stupid. They tried to be my friends but they weren't going to be true friends, they only liked me for the money. Most of the times I wished I wasn't rich, maybe then I could have true friends. Maybe everything would be better for me.
This is the part where I break down crying, having nothing else to do or anything else to think about because where were my friends when I needed them the most? One thing I knew about life was that I was always going to be let down and to this day I still hope that that could change, but it hasn't and I'm starting to lose my hope.
I hate being ignored, I hate being let down, and I hate losing my hope. There are times when I just sit down and think that maybe having fake friends will make me feel better but I don't want to be fake. I want to be myself and for me to do that I need to know who I am.
But how do you find yourself in darkness? How do I know I have found myself? What and what do I do when I have?
As much as I need someone to help me. As much as I want someone to be here for me, I won't have fake friends. Maybe I'll be be getting a fresh start, maybe I will end up finding true friends, not people who are friends with you because of the car you drive or how big your house is or the clothes you wear.
That's why I hate the car. Because I don't want to be rich, because I don't want to suffer, because I don't have anyone. Running away could be my escape, I bet she wouldn't even notice if I'm gone. I never did it though because I knew that would be giving up and I won't give up, I'm not that type of person. Suicide would be another easy escape another way of giving up.
But I'm not going to give up anytime soon, because I know I can work trough this. I will fix my scars and pain.
YOU ARE READING
The Things That Hurt The Most
Fiksi RemajaCrystal is just another girl who suffers from life, she knows true pain and has always been let down in life. After being neglected by her mother for 5 years, since the accident, she decides to change things. She will no longer be left out in the da...