Behind The Scenes And In Betweens

Paasa

"May, can we talk?"

I was standing outside Laura's room where they've been locked in for several hours now. It's really hard to spend some time alond with Maymay once she and Laura begin talking. And there are some things that I just want settled here and now.

Laura opened her door.

"Sure brother. I was going to help Mum in the kitchen anyway. You can talk inside." She gave me a wink that was just so unlike her. Weird Laura.

Maymay was sitting on the bed, cuddling one of Laura's stuffed animals. She was wrapped in a thick sweater, her hair in chaotic waves falling around her face. She almost looked like she had just woken up.

When she's the most beautiful to me.

She gave me one big smile.

Gulp. This is gonna be hard.

"May, can we talk?" I asked as I sat on the bed, a little farther from her than necessary.

"Oo naman, Edwado. May sasabihin din kasi ako sa'yo. Bukas pa sana pero andito ka na rin lang eh di ngayon na."

She seemed serious. And that scared me. Was it because of what I asked her back at the vineyard this morning? Crap.

I shouldn't have rushed her by asking if she would want to live here. Not when she hasn't even agreed to be my girlfriend in the first place.

Yup. I, Edward John Barber, had already solemnly asked Marydale Entrata to be my girlfriend.

It was after I asked her on Magandang Buhay to be my date for the Star Magic Ball. I knew she was so kilig then but I had another purpose for giving her that charm.

I was going to give it to her when I asked permission to court her.

It took me a while because we were so busy promoting the movie. But I eventually did, even before the ball. And all she said was that we should focus more on our careers and that bata pa kami, we still have time. I wasn't going to back down easily so I told her I'd ask again soon and she relented.

That didn't stop me from courting her, though, unofficially. I made sure she always knew how deeply I feel for her and that I was sincere.

But aside from the occasional kilig that she feels around me, I don't really see her changing her mind about all these. Focus kung focus talaga when it came to career.

Until today. I can totally see her living here with me. But when she didn't answer me then I felt like I had to let go for now and not pressure her.

"May," I began, my palms in cold sweat. "I'd been thinking and I believe we should reconsider some things. This isn't easy for me so I hope you can just let me talk without interrupting para mailabas ko na lahat."

I tried to look her in the eyes while saying these but I was afraid I'd change my mind if I did. I always drown in those doe-like peepers. And I end up tracing the path from her mesmerizing eyes past her button nose and down to her luscious lips.

Once I get there I'm dead, coz I always remember that one time we shared a chaste yet electrifying liplock.

But that's for another story.

I cleared my throat to continue.

"You already know how I feel for you, and that I'm way past the bestfriends forever, twinnie stage. I wanted for us to be more than that."

I didn't even bother to pause because I can see her wanting to say something.

Yeah, I know. "Bata pa tayo, focus muna tayo." That always makes me wish I was born a few years earlier.

"Seeing you where I grew up, everything here just became a little brighter in my memories. I love how my family loves you. And even though bukas pa tayo mgmi-meet with my friends, they already love you from how you treat them when you chat."

"All these make me want for us to just stay here for a very long time. Long after Mega is done. I keep thinking of kids and a family and more Christmases like this. And I know I entertain those thoughts because I am still hoping you'd consider being my girlfriend soon."

"But when you didn't answer me this morning I realized I might be rushing you too much. So I'll just let you be, May. Di na kita kukulitin. I will continue to take care of you, to be there for you. Just let me love you. But don't let it pressure you into considering my proposal. For now, focus na lang muna tayo sa trabaho. Just like you said."

"Klaruhin ko lang ha: yung tanong lang ang binabawi ko. I still feel the same way about you, I still want the same things with you. I still love you. And will continue to love you."

There I finally said it. I mustered enough courage and self-control to look at her this time.

Confusion was clearly on her face. And...anger? It was such a fleeting expression that I couldn't be too sure. Then she looked resigned, almost like she'd just given up. She finally settled on a poker face. A beautiful poker face.

"Ok, Edward. Thanks for telling me. At least I know what I am supposed to do around you. So, friends?" And she extended her hand to seal the deal.

"Best friends." But when I took her hand I felt like a huge part of me just died. I almost couldn't breathe. I need air.

"Ok na, Edwardo ha. Wag ka nang mangulit. At bawas-bawasan mo paglalandi mo sa akin, baka maisipan mo pang bawiin yung sinabi mo, pagsisihan mo pa." And she laughed, one that I thought was just forced.

If you only knew. Gusto ko talagang bawiin. Pero ayaw na muna kitang i-pressure for now.

"Puntahan mo muna sina Tita, magpapahinga lng ako sandali. Di pa yata ako nakaka-adjust sa panahon eh" and she settled herself on Laura's bed.

I tucked her in and left the room with heavy steps and a heavier heart.

Laura was returning to her room, and I saw her approaching with such a huge smile.

"So how does it feel to FINALLY have a girlfriend for real? Don't you dare hurt Maymay or I'll disown you as my brother." Laura playfully jabs my arm while was still trying to process what she was saying.

"Hey Laura, call me stupid but what did you just say? About Maymay being my girlfriend..."

I dreaded to hear what she had to say but I had to know.

"Well, Maymay said that she was already willing to give the both of you a chance at forever; she was just waiting for you to ask her again like you said you would. Wasn't that what you wanted to talk to her about just now?"

I felt the blood drain from my face.

Crap.

Tae. Tae. Tae.

Crap.