My Diaper Is Full, Dammit!: Life From the Perspective of Baby Johnson

Chapter Duex (Two): Going Home

GOING HOME:

After drinking from the breast, something strange happened. I was laying inmy crib, trying to take a nap, when suddenly I felt the urge to push. When I did, soemthing soft and warm came shooting into my pants. I started freaking out and woke up the little girl sleeping beside me, Sally.

"What are you crying about? Some of us are trying to catch some Z's, ya know,"

"Something just shot outta my ass and into my pants!" I explain. This send her into fits of laughter and she has to catch her breath before answering me.

"That's just poop, silly. It happens everytime after you eat,"

"Oh, well thanks for telling me--I think," I shut up and let her get back to sleep. The poop starts to get cold and uncomfortable and starts to itch after a while and I call the nurse over after I can't stand it anymore.

"Nursssssssssseeee! Nursssssssssseee! I've crapped my pants and its getting cold!" I am really starting to like this place. Everytime I ask for something, I always get it, even if it takes a while for them to figure it out since they don't speak baby.

The nurse removes my onesie to reveal that my pants, AKA diaper,has now been reduced to a rag covered in yellow mustard. 

"Holy shit," I hear her mutter. 

*************

I was drinking from Linda's breats the next day, and instead of handing me off to the nurse when she was done, she lay me on the bed and stripped me, leaving my my diaper on.

I lay there, shivering like a shaved rat and chasisting Linda. "Why would you take my clothes off, I am frezzing over here, and there is now way I'm wearing that shade of blue," I add when I see her pulling out a blue jumpsuit. My words fall to death ears as she shoves it over my head anyway.

"Was Johnson cold? Is Johnson excited to be going home with Mommy? Yes he is, yes he IS!" 

NO HE'S NOT! Who was this Mommy chick I was hearing about and why was I going home with her? 

"I wanna stay with you, Linda!" I tell her. She holds me by the armpits, supporting my giant head the whole time, and covers me with kisses. When she was done, I was all pooped out (see what I did there?) and nuzzled into her breast to take a nap.

*************

I wake up a few moments later to find myself ina comepletely different place. This is like a mini waiting room and it moves! Images of buildings and poeple and houses rush past before I can get a good look at them and Linda is speaking with some man in the front. i am strapped into a chair of sorts, with socks on my feet, a hat on my head, and mittens. 

"Linda! What in the hell!? Where are we?" I demand. She glances back at me and smiles. "He's awake," No shit Sherlock. 

The waiting room continues to move until it comes to a stop in front of this pink and white house. Linda practically flies out of her seat and rushes to unbuckle my from the seat.

"Oh, thank god, that thing was so annoying and why are we at this place? Why did we leave that other place, I was really starting to enjoy myself and I never even got to say goodbye to the hot nurse!" i manage to say this all in one breath, only impressing myself since Linda just winces.

"Lets go show you your new room. You are going to love it!" She better be telling the truth this time. We entered the house, which was neat and clean, just like the last place we were at and we move through a hallway before she stops in front of a door.

Inside is a powder blue room, a color I actually like, with a crib and white furniture. Cartoon characters and drawings cover this other door and there's a strange looking chair in one corner.

"Wow, this place looks great, Linda. You were actually right for once, I do love it," She just continues to smile at me and we sit in the chair for a minute. The chair rocks, back and forth back and forth back. .  .

**************

"Lindaaaaaaa! Where are youuuuuuu? I'm hungryyyy!" I wake up in a strange place for the second time today. Wooden bars loom in front of me and a lanky man with a sorry looking goatee rushes in.

"Hey, Johnson, don't cry baby, Ddaddy's going to make it all better," This guy cooes as he pick s me up. People seem to coo at me a lot, I don't know why they can't just speak in normal voices.

"I want Linda, not youuu!" I start to cry.  Where's Linda? Why is this strange man calling himself Daddy? Where's Linda?

"Are you hungry? Does somebody need a diaper change?" now that I think about it, I am famished and by the looks of this guy's chest, he would not be able to provide me the food I need.

"Yeah, I'm hungry, get Linda," I tell him. He must not understand baby either beacuse he checks my diaper even though it's desert dry.

"You must be hungry then," No duh! Finally, he gets Linda, who's lying in another bed, in another room. This big box is playing and there's little people inside. This fasinates me and I try to touch them as Daddy passes by, but a strange force field stops me from doing so.

Linda whips out a breast and I latch on to the nipple, sucking greedily. Daddy stands by awkwardly and I give him the best grin I can.

"You jelly?" I repeat the term I had heard from one of the nurses. Sally explained to me that this means, "You jealous?" and lealousy is when you want something that someone else has.

 I finish my drink and nuzzle into her breast, which feel like soft pillows of flesh, all warm and such, and fall into a deep slumber.

*Dedicated to Silently for being so supportive and commenting so much on this story. Sorry i didn't do this sooner!

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