My Diaper Is Full, Dammit!: Life From the Perspective of Baby Johnson

Chapter Eight: Happy Birthday, Johnson!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOHNSON!

Linda has been scheduling and rearranging stuff this whole week,, for what, i don't know. The entire living room is decorated with balloons and streamers and all this crap that says, "Happy Birthday!" I wonder who's birthday it is.

Linda dresses me up in one of my fancy clothes and sits me at the table with the birthday stuff. Other kids, some I know, others i don't, start coming in and sitting at the table, too. Jerome is here and he waves to me. Is it one of their birthdays?

"All right everybody, let's sing happy birthday to Johnson," 

My eyes pop open in surprise. It's my birthday! My first birthday, at that, meaning that I have officially left the stages of infant-ness and am now a toddler!

I sit up straighter and taller in my high chair, ruling above all the younger children. I am almost an adult now--sort of. They sing happy birthday in their garbled English and Linda claps at the end as if it were wonderful.

Then, there's the cake. It's about six inches tall and six inches wide and on it my name is scripted with white frosting atop the blue coating. Linda cuts me a huge slice and I just look at her with my eyes wide, again, in disbelief.

"For me?" My eyes say. 

Linda grins. "Yes, Johnson, all that is yours,"

I don't need to be told twice. I smash a hand right into the center and bring the fistful of chocolate cake to my mouth. The rich chocolate and icing burst with flavor upon my taste buds. It's like ice cream. . . But better!

It's so rish and velvety that I decide to put it all over me. I smear it all over my face and legs, just like Linda does with that nasty brown stuff every night. My skin is going to look great.

For once, Linda doesn't seem mad about me getting food all over my self and just laughs. I even smash a piece on her face and she just laughs again. a little strange, but I was having fun.

The other kids wree doing the same thing with their food. There's cake and drinks everywhere, but nobody's getting mad, so we just continue with our games. But, all too soon, the fun ends. Linda takes off our sodden clothes and leaves us all standing there, half-naked in our diapers.

We're standing there, wondering what's going on, and suddenly, streams of water come bursting from the ground. It's nice and refreshing on my hot skin and we start jumping around in it. Linda stands by the sliding glass door, a wide grin spread across her face. I wonder what she's so happy about.

We're jumping and running and just having a blast, and when i look down, all the cake has been washed away from my body. We play tag and hide-and-go-seek until the sun is setting low in the sky and Linda tells us to come in.

She immediately wraps us thick towels and gets us dressed in our freshly washed clothes.

"This was a great party, man," Jerome tells me as he waits for his mom to come pick him up.

"Thanks. It was all Linda, though. i didn't even know it was my birthday," i say truthfully.

Jeerome nods. "You're invited to mine next month, I heard my mama talkin' to your mama about it. See you there?"

"Definitely," We fist bump and his mother whisks him off to their home just a few moments later.

One by one, all the kids leave and it's just Linda and I again. She plops down on the nearest chair and heaves a heavy sigh. I climb into her lap and stroke her hair, trying to comfort her--about what, I don't know, but I hate to see her upset.

She smiles warily at me and pulls me into a hug. 

"Happy birthday, Johnson. I love you," She says softly.

"I love you, too," I try to say in her language. She gasps and pulls me away from her.

"What did you just say?" Her eyes are wide with surprise and she stares at me as if she thinks I'm just a hallucination.

"I love you," I repeat. 

"Oh, my goodness!" Linda squeals. She crushes me against her in a lung crushing hug. "You just said your first words! And they were to me!"

When she finally pulls me away, there's a grin on her face so wide, I think for sure her face will split. She puts me down in the living room with some toys and goes to tell her friends on the phone.

I'm excited that she's excited. I finally got them to understand something I said. I can almost speak their language. This is one small step for me, and one giant step for baby kind. Just wait until Jerome hears about this.

When Harold gets home a few minutes later, Linda tells him the good new sand he rushes over to me, requesting all sorts of words.

"Can you say Daddy?"

"Da da," I say; it's the best I can do. Harold seems satisfied--no, estatic about those two syllables. Linda repeats her short tale about how I told her I loved her and they go inot this lon gconversation about me. I'm barely paying attention since I have so many new toys to play with. I don't know where they came from, but I don't mind their presence.