Colorful World

Chapter 2: What am I missing?

Colorful World

Chapter 2: What am I missing?

By January 2012, my career is in complete ruin… Somehow I found myself at the edge of the pedestal where I once stood so comfortably… In simpler words, onting lakas ng hangin nalang, malalaglag na ako.

“Mr. Oliveros, you can’t just cut me off like that! I’ve been in this industry for years! Surely I didn’t do something so bad para basta niyo nalang ako bitawan, diba? Listen, I know how these things work… And I know I failed to meet some expectations last year but if you could just give me one more chance to redeem myself, I will… I can! Just give me time to recover and I promise you, kaya ko ‘to bawiin!”

“Fion, we gave you a whole year… Since Markt Galvez defeated you on that title, tumaas ang rating ng kabilang production, and as for us, bumagsak tayo… We were hoping you could bounce back for us, but instead, you gave us your worst performance in the worst possible time. You had a total of two releases so far last year, but have you ever took time to look at the feedbacks? Everyone is disappointed… Your music has changed dramatically from having a heart to being an empty shell!”

Napatahimik ako… Was it really that bad? I know I myself am not satisfied with my performance this year, pero I never expected it would turn out to be like this.

“Your supporters themselves are quite disappointed… The head of the production is disappointed. Fion, I’m sorry… But the production have suffered far enough at wala na kaming kayang i-sacrifice pa. We can’t take any chances… And we can’t put our hopes and money to someone who has failed us twice in one year. There are a lot of great composers out there, waiting to be discovered, but as for you… I think it’s time to sit down and get some rest, I’m sorry to say… Pero hindi lang sakin galing ang mga salitang yan… kundi sa fans mo rin. I hope you understand. It’s a pleasure doing business with you.” Binaba niya ang telepono.

And... with no further delay, there I go... Nalaglag na ako sa pedestal na ako mismo ang gumawa. Napahawak ulit ako sa dibdib ko... Ang sakit nanaman. Ano ba ang nangyari? Ano ba talaga? Bakit biglang nawala?

Sa sobrang lungkot ko, alam ko pag patuloy pa akong nag-isa, baka ikamatay ko na. So I started dialling, calling my closest friends, Maria, Lindsey, Kyla and Ranny. But neither of them even bothered to ask me what’s wrong... Tinanong ko kung pwede ba nila ako samahan dahil may pinagdadaanan ako, but they just turned me down without even asking me what’s up... Sabi nila, sorry busy ako sa ganito at ganyan... pero I felt no concern from them at all... Why!? Lalong nadagdagan ang bigat ng loob ko feeling so left alone... I need to talk to someone...

Tinignan ko ang phone ko. Sa messages, at si Jade ang nasa pinaka-top ng message lists ko... So I called her... But again, I received no response. Dismayed, I threw my phone against the wall and left the room... Useless... Where are my friends when you need them? Wait, did I even really have friends, or are they just another scripted thing within the industry?

I made my way into my living room and opened my laptop. Yup, news about me being in an indefinite hiatus, which is a more pleasant way of saying “being fired”, has already spread throughout the music universe. Of course, speculation of the truth will spring out, I mean, hindi nga ako na-qualify sa latest na Asian Music-Maker Awards eh... Syempre iisipin ng iba na dahil dito kaya ako nag-hiatus, which is true.

Huminga ako ng malalim... Sobrang sama talaga ng loob ko... Binuksan ko ang skype at naghanap ng kaluluwang handang makinig, pero kahit sina ate, hindi online. Ahhh! No choice! Tumayo ako at humarap sa may salamin.

“Look at you... You look awful. Ano ba kasi ang nangyari, Fion? Bakit bigla ka nalang nagkaganyan? Dahil sayo, nag-collapse na yung buong music career mo... for an uncertain reason. Ano ba? Bakit mo hinayaang basta ka nalang malaglag?” Habang tinititigan ko yung kaawa-awa kong reflection sa salamin, bigla nalang may tumulong luha sa mata ko, na agad ko namang pinunasan.