9 months na ang nakalipas mula noong naghiwalay kami. Our relationship was great but it became an unhealthy one during the long ride. Time was our greatest enemy, so I had no choice but to let him go.
Mula nung naging kami ay full support na ako sa mga hilig niya.
I even learned how to play League of Legends just to catch up with him. We go to different schools pero kapag may laro siya ng volleyball, tinalo ko pa si the flash kung pumunta doon at manood ng laro niya.
I remembered nung may laro siya sa isang bayan which is 35 minutes away. Kahit mag-isa lang ako nun at medyo di ko alam ang lugar, pumunta parin ako para manood ng laro niya.
I was his number 1 supporter.
I was also present whenever he has a performance in dancing.
Ang ganda niyang tignan habang sumasayaw.
Minsan, hina-hire niya ako para magmake up sa kanilang magbabarkada.
Di lang ako girlfriend at supporter kundi make up artist at stylist niya din.
We used to have countless sleepless nights before, just talking to each other.
Every 2 am in the morning tatawag siya. At ako namang si shunga kahit masarap ang tulog ay gigising para sagutin yung tawag niya.
He would wake me up from my sleep just to say he loves me.
Everything was perfect. It was like a fairy tale in the making.
Well, it was.
Months passed by at naging busy siya sa pagpractice ng sayaw nila. Their group would travel somewhere far, minsa'y may nga personal na lakad siya na di ko alam, which created a barrier between us. Humina yung communication namin. Madalang nalang siyang magtext o call.
Kung noon ay gabi-gabi akong puyat kakausap at text lang sa kanya.
Ngayon, gabi-gabi akong puyat kakahintay lang na tumawag o magtext siya. It was a painful situation.
Unti-unting dumilim ang maliwanag naming relasyon.
I became paranoid, scared and anxious, I was seeking for his attention. Scratch that! I was longing for his attention!
Nine months ago, I told him na nasasaktan na ako. Di ko na kasi kaya, araw-araw kasi akong naghihintay sa kanya, araw-araw akong umasa. I demanded him, asking for him to have time again with me. He told me to wait a little longer. Konting tiis pa at babawi siya.
That day, community fest ng bayan namin, at may sayaw siya. I was there of course.
I'm his number one supporter after all.
I watched him dance.
And I saw something.
He was beaming, parang may invisible spotlight na nakatutok sa kanya. He was in his zone, in his happiness. Parang naging blurred ang nasa paligid at siya lang ang nakikita ko.
Wearing that smile that melted my heart.
At doon narealize ko kung gaano siya kasaya sa pagsasayaw, kung gaano niya kamahal ang magperform. At mukhang sagabal lang ako sa kanyang kaligayahan.
After his performance umuwi ako, ni hindi ako nagpakita sa kanya. I just went home and cried like shit. I need to make a difficult decision.
I need to let him go.
Nung nahimasmasan na ako I texted him. I told him it was something urgent so he called immediately.
Right there, was our last phone call.
For I had already set him free.
So nine months ago, we broke up. And now, being updated to his life, knowing that there's something is between him and the girl in his profile.
Though sinabi niya na nakilala niya lang sa near group yun at trip trip lang. I knew deep inside that there's a possibility na maging sila. The girl could fall for him.
Like I did.
It's been nine months and I thought I was already over him.
I've been in some relationship pagkatapos naming magbreak. Kaya akala ko, tuluyan ko na siyang nabura sa sistema ko.
Pero ngayong, nasa harapan ko na naman siya. Parang nagmalfunction yung buong sistema ko. I don't know what do to but stare at those eyes and that smile.
Pagkatapos ng mahabang panahon na di namin nasilayan ang pagmumukha ng isa't-isa, here we are again, magkasama, bilang magkaibigan.
But this feeling I'm having while talking to him is quite a familiar feeling. It's like something new and old feeling.
I still get that petty butterflies in my tummy whenever he praises me.
"Ang ganda mo parin"
"Ang ganda niya di ba pre?"
It flutters me and at the same time it pains me, knowing that he's now beyond my reach.
I missed him.
I really do.
But in this story we're not on the same chapter now, aren't we?
I was his princess, now I'm just his ex.
Did it hurt him too when I got into a relationship after we broke up?
Is this karma dahil sa selfishness ko? Sa paghahanap ng attention niya noon?
Or are we just destined to be just like this?
But one thing's for sure...
After all the bullshts and everything.
I still love you... my psycho.
