A Self-Hate Diary for Me by Me

Unknown Date, 2015

Okay, just let me indulge with my thoughts for a moment. I've wanted to do this for a while now but it seem silly to think writing my thoughts on paper would be beneficial. However, currently what has been bothering me is my physical appearance. Classic girl complaint, right? I suppose, but I must say that I really hate this body and hope to God that reincarnation is real so I could at least have decent looks and be comfortable in my own skin.

My hair and skin are the main culprits. I'm clearly from African descent, so I'm stuck with stupid black hair that stubbornly refuses to grow. It's not smooth, silky, or easily styled. I hate braids, cringe at wearing weaves or extensions or whatever you want to call them. So I'm stuck to only relax my hair which makes it half decent, but it has chemicals. Then my skin, I wish it was lighter...I could bleach it, but once again, chemicals prevail. 

I dislike my weight and height too, but I can at least do something about my weight.

But on the brighter side, I'm completely physically healthy...but no one usually sticks with that sentiment.

I suppose we look too much on physical traits and not what's on the inside. Beauty is fleeting, but we are willing to desperately cling onto it for as long as we can. Through surgery, drugs, makeup, etc. We conform to society's standards on beauty, usually from what we see through the media or perhaps our favorite celebrity. It's sad and tiring after a while.

On a slight side note, I love the East Asia region (Japan, Taiwan, Korea) but I believe that this may be the major cause to my physical inferiority. Especially looking at South Korea where looks are pretty much everything. For a while it seemed almost superficial for me to get to deeply involved. But now I like to believe the best in people (even if I go to Korea, they may scorn me, cast looks of disgust, or other hateful things). I still love the country and hope to visit one day, but hopefully by then I will be stronger: mentally and physically.

Anyways, I'm done writing. I don't think I properly put down my thoughts on paper but I just have to keep working on it. I guess I feel slightly better, but there is so much more I could write down.

Next time...