In Tongues | Jojian

IV

Megan said her goodbyes to Joji, reminding him to "be responsible for fuck's sake," or something like that. He waved awkwardly after she placed a kiss on his cheek. People are probably going to think they're dating... no matter.

Joji was actually surprised he didn't have any feelings toward Megan. Maybe it's because he's so overwhelmed with heartbreak that he can't even think about...

Right. Haircut.

He got himself through the doors and smiled at the people in there. "Joji! Good to see you man, you're really growing that shit out huh?" His usual barber came over and clapped him on the back, completely ignoring a waiting customer as he guided Joji to a chair.

He felt bad about the man who he took the spot of, and the guy seemed to be pretty angry about it also. Oh well. "Yeah, I was in a bet with a friend for how long we could grow it out. His hair got past his shoulders but his girlfriend threatened to break up with him if he didn't cut it, so I won."

His barber laughed, not even slightly seeing past the improvised lie. "That's just just like you man. Was that chick outside your girl?"

"Oh, nah. We're just good friends, we've been hanging out a lot recently."

This is weird. I don't like having conversations like this. Why can't I just tell the truth and say, "I've been too depressed to come in for a cut?" Why can't I just say, "she's the only thing holding my life together after my last breakup?" Why can't I just say, "you'll probably never see me with a new girl or guy ever again because I'll probably kill my self before I get over—"

"So how's work going?"

"Haven't been in the studio lately, still trying to find some inspiration for new music."

That's a lie. I have all the inspiration I need, I just don't have any motivation. I could write hundreds of songs about my shattered heart if I could only get out of bed long enough to make the music. I have hundreds of lyrics written down in a notebook, I just can't—

"That's too bad bro. Hey, the two best things to write songs about are love and heartbreak. So maybe just find an asshole to fall head over heals for." His barber laughed after saying that, and Joji prayed he didn't fuck up his hair but laughed a fake laugh to be polite.

You idiot, that's all I write about anymore. That's all I can write about. There's nothing in my life but heartbreak and depression without him. Without him I'm nothing, but you couldn't possibly understand that because you're too—"

"So have you been dating anybody recently?"

Oh shit, I can't answer that one, he expects me to always have someone, how should I explain that I'm still head over heels in love with my ex boyfriend who I treated like shit—

"Nah, I'm thinking of takin' a break from dating, dog." Joji didn't elaborate any more after that. There wasn't any need to, really.

Joji hates haircuts. The barber doesn't like to be in complete silence so he digs into Joji's personal life and he hates it so, so much. His barber was a very see-through guy. He was genuine, sure. Kinda guy who would stay loyal to his friends. But the way he asked and reacted to questions said volumes about him. He didn't treat his boyfriends right. Probably because his relationship with his dad is shit. He has no respect for higher authority. Probably would've been in a gang if he didn't work. Yeah

"I get that man. I think you're all good to go, that's $24."

Joji handed the barber two twenties and mumbled something about a tip. He kept walking and wasn't sure where he'd end up.

***

"Are you kidding me? You got fucking high?!" Megan shouted at Joji. "I can't leave you alone for a few hours without you throwing away everything you've worked on, can I?"

Her usual long brown hair was up in a bun, and it was obvious she had put a lot of effort into her makeup today. Joji's mistake made none of that matter though, because the stress and anger and frustration and disappointment on her face made her look more like an angry mom in her late 20's. Which she kind of was at this point.

"I-I didn't mean to, I'm sorry, I was just— I was walking and I didn't know where I was until I was there, and I didn't know what I was buying until it was in my hand-"

"So you're telling me you accidentally took Xanax in the time I left you alone?"

Joji slumped on the couch, feeling utterly exhausted. He always feels exhausted though, it's not like this is anything new. "I don't know."

"When are you going to start taking responsibility for your life? When are you going to start caring about what happens to you?" Her voice got louder with each sentence as she stayed standing with her arms crossed. "When are you going to pull your head out of your ass long enough to realize you're wrecking your life beyond repair!?"

"I don't know!" Joji was also yelling now. "I can't do any of that, Meg! I don't give a shit about my life anymore! Nothing makes sense without him, I don't have a fucking reason to live without him! I already wrecked my life beyond repair by letting Ian go, there's nothing for me without him. But he's moved on from me and he's made up his mind that he's never gonna come back, and I'm honestly probably better off dead!"

He was crying now. Not just crying. Sobbing. His entire body shook violently and he curled into himself, unable to stop the tears.

Meg was left absolutely speechless, she had no idea what to say, but it turns out she didn't have to. Joji's phone started buzzing, although it was obvious he wasn't about to make a move to answer it, so Meg picked it up for him.

"Joji... it's Ian."