In Tongues | Jojian

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Joji woke up in Ian's arms the next morning. He could hear raindrops tapping on the window, and the cold air threatened to bring him back to reality.

So he got closer to Ian, trying to find enough warmth to go back to sleep. It was four in the morning, which wasn't an unusual time for him to wake up at. Normally, he'd roll out of bed and make his way to the balcony to have a cigarette and question his existence. But that wasn't on his mind now; all Joji wanted was to savour this moment, because he wasn't sure if he'd ever feel this again.

His head still swarmed with the usual awful thoughts and dangerous compulsions, but the hot breath on his neck seemed to keep them somewhat at bay. It was like Ian was his shield, protecting him against any and all dangers, even mental ones.

And holy fuck did Joji miss this. He almost didn't want to go back to sleep, in fear of waking up alone again and not having spent enough time appreciating what it felt like to be back in his arms. He knew in the back of his mind that this was illogical, and that his best bet was to get some sleep, but he couldn't shake the worry about it ending all too quickly.

Joji would probably kill himself if Ian left him again.

That may sound hyperbolic, and yes, he does throw that around often, but deep inside he knew it was true. After just barely surviving the pain of losing him a first time, if he got his hopes up and invested himself all to have it be stolen away again, Joji didn't think he'd be able to stand it, physically or mentally.

Joji was so caught up in his thought processes, he was more than a little startled when somebody murmured into his neck, sleepily whispering, "I can tell you're awake."

"Ian, the fuck are you doing up?" Joji turned over so he could look at Ian. He could just barely make out his features in the darkness of the room, but even the small amount he could see set his heart on fire.

"Not sure. Just woke up a minute or two ago. I would've gone back to sleep, but I could just kind of... tell that you were awake." Ian laughed softly to himself in between sentences. "I guess a few years of a relationship will do that to you."

Joji softly touched Ian's cheek and placed a lingering kiss to his lips. Joji realized what he did after Ian reciprocated, and felt like a complete asshole. "I-I'm sorry, Ian, I just got a little caught up in the moment and didn't really think that through--"

He stopped speaking when Ian silently pulled Joji towards him and met his lips. They didn't take it too far, keeping it at just a slow, lazy kiss, but it held more meaning than words could ever hope to express. It was so much more than Ian kissing Joji in the middle of the night (or early in the morning, techinically).

It was Ian saying, It's alright for you to kiss me, I don't mind. It was Ian saying, I still feel the same way I did before we fell asleep. It was Ian saying, I want you to kiss me. It was Ian saying, I want to stay right here with you and never leave. It was Ian saying, I still love you.

"Promise you won't leave first thing in the morning?" Joji asked softly, his voice showing every ounce of his vulnerability and fear. Even if he did try to hide what he was feeling, Ian knew him far too well to not pick up on it, so he decided not to even bother.

"I promise."

Those two words were all Joji needed to lay down on Ian's chest and be able to fall back asleep, no cigarettes or existential crises needed.

And when he woke up in the same exact position the next morning, once his thoughts formed together enough to realize it, he had the stupidest grin on his face as he looked at Ian, wide awake and smiling right back.

Millions of thoughts had raced through Joji's mind, most relating to where the absolute fuck they stood in terms of friendship/relationship. But he shoved them all down for when had at the very least one cup of coffee running through their systems.

"Will you let me take you to breakfast this morning?" Joji asked, the first real words spoken that morning at nine am. He didn't know why the question sent his heart racing at 600 beats per minute. Maybe it was the countless ways it could go wrong, and the few it could go right. For starters, he could say no. Or he could say yes, and just thinking about the ways that could go South made his chest hurt. So he tried not to. But that never worked too well, so he shouldn't have expected it to this time.

Luckily, some of that building anxiety was washed away quickly with a pair of lips softer than clouds. "I'd love that."