Behind The Smile

Not Enough (Very Short)

When I got in Estarossa saw my bruised face and asked worriedly "Meli, you okay? You look like you got punched."

"I'm fine. I fell on the way home." I signed. I put my keys and bag away and ended up reading a book when Estarossa came up to me ten minutes later with an Ice pack.

"Here, it'll stop the swelling. And I've got pancakes on, want some?" He told me, handing me the Ice pack which I eagerly put on my face.

"Can you do them with lots of syrup?" I asked. "Please, please, please?"

"Normally, I would say no." Estarossa said. "But since your hurt, I'll let it slide this once."

"Yay!!!!" I cheered despite my sore face. "Wait, where's Zeldris?"

"Gerharde's." Estarossa said, smiling. "I know it's only our first few days here, but I think he likes her."

"Me too." After I got brought my pancakes and ate them I went upstairs, did my homework, practised my violin then went to sleep.

Unfortunately, Ban's bullying didn't stop over the next few weeks, whether I talked to Elizabeth or not. His favourite name for me was 'Refugee scum.' He was always hitting or pushing or kicking me. They even punched me a few times.

Apart from the physical and verbal abuse I got given daily, what hurt was that No one stepped in to help or defend me when they bullied me. Though, I'm not sure I would if I were them. No one wants to be the victim.

I think I must've looked a little down despite smiling and was constantly asked if I was okay by others. My reply was always 'Im fine.' along with another smile.

Luckily, Elizabeth and Gerharde and Zeldris were always too busy to notice because of their exams and tests they had coming up. That meant they were always studying like crazy and never had time to talk properly. Estarossa was the same but with work, so he wasn't there much.

I was walking home a few weeks after I moved to Liones High. This was when Ban and his goons King and Diane walked up to me.

"Hey refugee scum." Ban smiled, grabbing my arm and digging his nails into it painfully, causing it to bleed. "I've finally figured something out, wanna hear it?"

He started kicking and pushed me down to the ground and spat out " I've figured out this: the reason no one helps you when we kick the crap out of you is because your a little refugee scum and NO ONE loves refugee scum like you, do they?"

"They all hate and despise you, even your own family and parents. Why else would they get themselves hit by a Barbarian bomb, would they? They are all waiting secretly for the day when your life ends so they can live their lives free of scum like you. So do them a favour and kill yourself all ready, will ya?"

Ban cackled and walked away, leaving me on the pavement. I ran home in a mess of tears and after an hour of trying to climb out the hole of depression I had an Idea.

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the smallest razor sharp kitchen knife there. I went up to my room and sat on my bed. I took a deep shaky tear filled breath and pressed the knife into the soft flesh of my wrist.

Ban was right. Cut.

I really am scum. Cut.

I shouldn't be here. Cut.

No one loves me. Cut.

I felt the sharp sting every time the knife pierced my flesh and watched my tangy blood flow. I watched as it pooled on the laminated wood flooring and mixed with the salty water of my tears. It helped me feel better.

I quietly cleaned up my blood and put antiseptic on my wrists. Debating what to do or not, I decided to slide the blade under my mattress.

Playing the violin just was not enough, not anymore.