Behind The Smile

I'm done

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL MEEEEEEEE?!?!?!?!?!!!?!!?!??!?!?!" Elizabeth screeched, her voice reaching an all time high. Her plate shattered.

"I was going to, but later." Gerharde blushed.

"Oh, okay then." Elizabeth said, instantly going back to normal. She checked her watch and let out a gasp. "OH HELP WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE HOME GERHARDE WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW!"

Elizabeth rushed around grabbing her stuff and Gerharde did the same while Zeldris helped her. They were so cute. I ship it.

Eventually everyone had their things and they were about to leave. "Bye Meli!" Elizabeth said happily. She left.

Gerharde was longer. "Um bye Zeldris. See you tomorrow?" She said, blushing.

"Oh, um sure. See you." He said he was about to turn around but got stopped short when Gerharde turned around and kissed him on the lips. Then ran away, giggling.

Zeldris went pink.

We put the sleep over stuff away and tidied up everything. It was around an hour later when Zeldris and I were dressed and sitting in the living room Estarossa came home. I was eating an apple and writing in my book while Zeldris was studying.

"I'm home." Estarossa said, putting his keys away. He walked into the living room. "Anything happen while I was at work?"

"N-nothing." Zeldris said quickly. Estarossa looked at me and I couldn't keep it in any longer. I was bursting to tell someone.

"Zeldris made out with Gerharde twice!" I burst out and then silently laughed at Zeldris's reaction, his face turned bright red.

"Zeldris... Made out... With Gerharde?!?!" Estarossa spluttered, laughing hard. "Never thought you'd have the guts to do it."

"I didn't make out with her twice!" Zeldris yelled. "It was only once!"

"Hahaha!" I silently laughed. "He didn't even deny it!"

We all laughed while Zeldris looked like a strawberry.

I went back to school on Monday. Ban's bullying was back and he was more vicious and persistent than ever.

Thanks to my recent little episode, people I didn't even know called me names in the corridor. When I walked past people would say things like 'hey freak!' and 'talk for me?' and 'Having another panic attack?' and the most common one was, yep you guessed it, 'hey little refugee scum.'

I guess Ban's friends spread the word of what I am.

Every day, Ban would wait for me on the way to school every morning and call me names. During break and lunch he would punch, kick, hit, and push me around. All the while calling me names and telling me that no one loves me, they all despise me ect.

No one noticed how strained my smile was, not even my friends and family. Elizabeth, Zeldris and Gerharde were always doing homework, studying or at each others houses. Estarossa was always working. It was like I was invisible.

Every day was the same. Go to school, be bullied and ignored, go home, be ignored, cut. Weekends, hide from bullies, be invisible, cut.

I had no sleep because I kept having nightmares about Ban killing me and my parents deaths.

I was constantly depressed and felt helpless, I cried everyday until I ran out of tears. I went to sleep, had a night mare, woke up, cried, and cut again.

One Tuesday about a month after the sleepover I was walking home when Ban came up to me as usual. "Hiya scum~ whatcha doing? Tell me. Oh wait, you can't." Diane and King laughed at this.

"Now, I'm gonna show you what I do to people who don't answer me." Ban said. Diane and King held me up so that I couldn't run away while Ban used me as a punching bag. When they were finished they dropped me on the concrete like a price of trash. Ban knelt down to my level and lifted up my head by my hair.

"Listen brat, refugee scum. No one loves you at all. We all hate you. Your parents killed themselves just to get away from you. They abandoned their home, their two beloved sons, their lives, all to be rid of you." Tears rolled down my cheeks but my slight smile I had permanently on my face didn't falter.

"The entire world hates you. They world would throw a party when you die and no one would be at your funeral. Heck, there wouldn't be one. You'd just be flung in the closest ditch and left to rot." Ban continued, enjoying tormenting me. "Elizabeth, Zeldris, Estarossa, Gerharde, all your so-called friends don't care at all whether you live or die."

He stood up and kicked me once in the stomach and ended his bullying by saying the line he tells me every day. "So do them a favour and kill yourself all ready." And walked away.

I stood up and gathered my things. I continued walking home but Ban's words continued to linger in my head like someone was repeating them over and over.

I got in and wiped my tears. I walked into the living room where Elizabeth, Gerharde and Zeldris were doing homework, as I suspected. Estarossa was at work. I tapped Zeldris on the shoulder. "Hey. Do you want to play a game later?" I asked.

"Sorry bro, can't, going to Gerharde's to study. Can you leave please, we're busy." Zeldris said.

Shocked, my eyes watered but I nodded and left. First, as usual, I stopped off in the kitchen and grabbed one of the only two things I could rely on. My knife. But in its place, I left a note.

I ran upstairs and sat on my bed after changing into a short sleeved top and shorts. Today's events ran through my head and I curled up in a ball. I cried and cried. I picked up the knife and did what I did every day.

Wrists.
Cut. You are a little refugee scum. Cut.

Cut. No one loves you. Cut.

Cut. Your pathetic. Cut.

Cut. Everyone hates you. Cut.

Thighs.
Cut. Your parents committed suicide because of you. Cut.

Cut. They hated you that much. Cut.

Cut. Ban was right. Cut.

I felt the sting of the cuts when I stood up, blood pouring down my legs and hands. I took out my book and wrote something for someone to read and put it on my pillow. I left a not on top of it.

I picked up my violin, the only other thing I could rely on. Shakily, I began to play the first song I ever played with Elizabeth, Titanium. I played with a passion that I didn't think I had left. It made me cry as all the memories I ever cherished flashed before my eyes.

Sitting down, I thought of my parents. Their smiles, their laugh. I thought of Liz, her pink hair, her kindness.

I heard Estarossa come in and heard everyone moving around in the kitchen. I had  to do it now.

I picked up the knife.

This was for them. I put the knife to my throat.

To make the ones I love happy. I pressed in slightly, making it bleed as tears streamed down my cheeks.

I smiled, my bangs covering my eyes. Speaking out loud, I said "I'm done."

Slice.

I pulled the knife across my throat.