POEMS

Showers

So many people don't understand why people take 30 minute showers.
I take 30 minute showers because it's a simple soft solitary silence with only the sound of water droplets hitting the floor.
I take 30 minute showers to sit on the white base of a bath while I stare at the scars on my body, replaying memories like a broken VCR in my brain.
I take 30 minute showers because the burning water erases my sins that come back everyday right when I think it's gone just so I can sit there and scrub and scrub and scrub because life's not fair.
I take 30 minute showers because my hair is dirty with bugs and my skin itches. It itches and burns and will never stop.
I take 30 minute showers because I'm hurting and I want the silence with nothing touching me but my hands on my body because the only thing I'm hoping for is the ability to not hate myself.
I take 30 minute showers because it gives me time to understand and think without the entire world screaming at me for being human.
The world feels so big and I'm so small. I don't know what to do.