Rogue Wolf

Ch 50 having suffered

"It's true," one of the older guards said quietly. "Shortly after I arrived, Alpha beat one of the boys so bad, it damaged his insides and he died. Our lord Maximus insisted Alpha be more careful after that. Why do you think Alpha usually only slaps us now?"

I nodded, biting back my humor. It wasn't their suffering that was funny, and I didn't want to disrespect their memory of the boy who had died because of Alpha's abuse. It was the fact they thought, they truly believed, no one else could be worse than Alpha.

"After I'd spent time with Mr. G and his family, I was going to turn in my mom's pimp," I told them slowly.

I thought back to that night, the night I had found old Missus G dead in her apartment. The old lady had wanted a good life for me, and her death has galvanized me into trying to get that, not just for me, but for my mom as well. I had been young, naive... well, stupid really. I hadn't realized just what I was up against.

"He told me my mom wasn't worth the hassle I was making, and he was going to give me a choice. He took me outside, out to the street where there were people all about. I can still remember his words verbatim." I looked at some of the confused faces looking back at me. "That means exactly," I added.

"He said, 'You can either stand still while I break your arm, then I'll take you to the hospital to have it fixed, where you will tell everyone you fell. Or, I'll just kill your mom and be done with it."

"So he broke my arm, in the street, and no one did anything when I screamed. I was ten. After we got back home, my mom had me say thank you to him for taking such good care of me. That was fun," I snorted sarcastically. "Then he took me in the bathroom, to help me get cleaned up, he told my mom, since I had a cast." I paused, my jaw working around the words that to this day still didn't want to come out of me.

"Once the cast was off," I finally continued, "he picked me up from school, took me to where he was meeting someone. He had one of his goons hold me so I had to watch as he killed this girl who had stolen from him. It wasn't some accidental thing either," I told them derisively. "He stuck a knife in her and I had to stand there watching her bleed out. He told me my mom could always be next. After that he took me to this fancy place and literally auctioned me off to the highest bidder for the night. I got a high price for my virginity, which was pretty funny considering he had already taken it. He auctioned me off a lot that year. Who knew one's virginity could be sold so many times? But I got good at faking my supposed innocence. Then there were all the times after, where he would send a second someone up to my mom's for me to take care of."

I stood there, looking impassively at the faces filled with either horror or disbelief staring back at me. I'd buried the fear and terror of that time long ago. I hated leaving school, never knowing when he'd be there. I'd learn to work the guys who bought my services to get the most out of them, or the least damage to me, depending on the type of guy. I'd learned to hide what I really felt, faking so they would see whatever they were looking for, and old habits died hard.

I realized I owed my mom an apology she didn't even know she deserved. I came to call them her guys, pretending they weren't actually there for me. I hated her for not ever realizing what was happening behind her back, even as I helped with the subterfuge. It wasn't her fault that pimp of hers threatened me with her life, but it was her life keeping me in that situation I hated.

"So," I finally said, "yeah, I know all about suffering under the hand of a tyrant you can't do anything about, and I did it for seven years... all by myself! I didn't have anyone to run interference for me. But you know what? I did do something about it. I learned how to live my own life outside of his grasp. And I did the same thing with Alpha."