Rogue Wolf

Ch 53 to defend

I did puke while I was in the shower, glad of the soap and water that washed everything away, even the smell. I raised my head to rinse out my mouth, spitting out the water again and again. I ached all over, worse than I ever had, short of the change itself. I felt nauseous and my head was spinning. Somehow I eventually found myself sitting on my bed, on towels, while Lone Wolf knelt before me making a few stitches here and there. I tried to ignore the prick of the needle, and the feel of the thread being pulled through my skin. The guard had to endure it many, many more times than me. Knowing most of the blood that had been on me had belonged to the guard did not make me feel any better. If anything, I felt more nauseous.

It wasn't until Lone Wolf was getting up to leave that I managed to get out the words I'd been afraid to ask.

"Did I hurt him too much? Is he going to die?"

Lone Wolf came back, setting his small bundle of first aid stuff down on the corner of my bed. Kneeling before me, he took both of my hands in his huge beefy ones. "Little Bro, you got every right to be damn proud of yourself tonight. Yeah, you tore the shit outta him. He deserved it. But," and he reached up to cup my face and wipe away a salty tear, "all the damage you did to him was superficial. I'll admit, I was worried about the depth of the puncture wounds around his neck, but you aimed carefully with every bite you made. He lost some blood, but it ain't nothing more than if you donated a pint to the Red Cross. It was just smeared around."

I shook my head, not wanting to believe him. The image of the bloody horror room I had made came too readily to my mind.

"Little Bro, listen to me," he said as I continued to shake my head. "I've seen real blood loss. Listen! It wasn't pooled about, not until you dumped water everywhere making puddles! It was smeared. You ever fingerpaint?"

I gave him this deadpan look.

"Of course you didn't. Bro, seriously, it looked like a lot, and yes he lost some blood, but it looked way worse than it was. Both of you should eat good tomorrow, drink plenty of water, let your body do what it does best, which is heal while you rest. You done good... Beta."

I don't know how long I sat alone, unsure of even where Michael was. I didn't imagine what I'd heard in Lone Wolf's voice when he called me Beta. It was the same respect he'd given to his human alpha. Respect that I'd earned tonight, fighting for my pack, hurting the fool who'd been pressured by Alpha into challenging me. Hurting, but not seriously damaging him, if Lone Wolf was right, and I had no reason to doubt the big man.

I wasn't like Alpha. Just because I'd raged like he did, I wasn't him. I didn't want to kill anyone, and I hadn't. My life, my rules. I didn't care what anyone thought, not even my Max. There was no way in hell I was going to become like Alpha. I wasn't going to senselessly rage at people. My pack didn't need someone to protect them from me if I lost it and raged. Lone Wolf said I'd controlled myself during my rage. I wasn't like Alpha. I wasn't going to go off on people for stupid nonsense. I kept trying to reassure myself until Michael finally came back.

"Last of the towels are in the laundry. Here, Lone Wolf said you should drink this. You gonna be ok while I grab a quick shower?"

I took the cup he held out to me. It smelled like beef broth. I didn't feel like putting anything in my stomach. I gave Michael a nod and he headed into the bathroom. "Probably gonna be a cold shower, as much water as we went through tonight," he muttered.

I had to smile at his mutterings; they felt like home. The warmth of the cup in my hands felt good. I took a tentative sip, testing my stomach. I felt the tension that was wound up inside me begin to let loose, just a little. I still had no idea what my Max's reaction to everything was. I feared his approval almost as much as I feared his disapproval. I couldn't bring myself to approve of what I'd done; I had no idea how I'd handle things if he approved. I longed for his presence to reassure me.

I sipped the broth, trying not to think about tonight even as my memory kept trying to replay the fight. I couldn't remember anything about anyone else other than the guard I'd fought; it was like I'd had tunnel vision focused solely on him. I know someone had called out to me. Had Max tried to command me and I'd ignored him? Had Lone Wolf tried to stop me? I didn't know.

Michael came back from his shower and riffled through our stuff for an outfit to wear. I didn't pay him any attention, too caught up in my own thoughts, until he knelt in front of me holding out clothes.

"What the hell dude?"

"At least I got your attention this way! You weren't answering me. Ok if I get up?" he asked without his usual sarcasm.

I stood up and grabbed the pants he had on top of the small stack. "Yeah," I finally answered him, "and don't do this shit with me. I can't take it if I lose you to this madness. I need you."

"You need me to be a disrespectful pain in your backside?" he asked with incredulity laced with sarcasm.

"Yeah, you stupid shit, I do," I said, silently grateful he had been there for me tonight, and not smelling like fear.

"Well go figure," he replied with honest surprise. He sat down on the bed, bringing his legs up to sit cross legged. "You ok?"

"Yeah. No. Hell, I don't know. You should be terrified of me. I couldn't control myself out there."

"Oh, don't worry, I was," he answered. "I was terrified your punk ass would lose and I'd be up a creek without a paddle!" He laughed at the look I gave him. "Seriously dude," he said, getting serious, "it really was scary there for a bit." Then he forced a small laugh, bumping my leg as he added, "but don't you worry Beta sir, 'cause I don't plan on attacking you any time soon... or at all."

We shared the silence then, both of us a bit uncomfortable. "Look," Michael finally said, breaking the silence. "It was scary. You were scary. I ain't gonna lie. Standing there watching you fight, all I could think was that I was never going to be able to get a good night's sleep again, being in here with you. I felt uneasy, in the pit of my stomach, you know?"

"But you're not scared now," I said softly, honestly surprised that he wasn't.

"When the first thing you did was close the door on Alpha? And the second thing you did was take immediate care of the guy you fought? I expected you to go after the other guards, make them acknowledge you as Beta. I thought you would rub their faces in it. You ignored everyone..." he leaned closer and whispered, "even your Max."

He nodded at the look I gave him. "He called you before him. You ignored him and snapped out at the omegas for water and towels. You commanded Lone Wolf and probably didn't even notice how he bowed to you as he obeyed. You took command, not to lord it over everyone, but to take care of your pack. How do I not respect that? And why should I be afraid? You promised to try and make things good for me here. And tonight? You stood up to Alpha and fought for them to treat me decently. So no, I'm not scared of you. Now if I go and do something totally insane and stupid..."

He grinned at me, giving a mock punch to my arm, as if daring me to attack him for it.

It helped, his actions and his words, his joking around. I guess I had fought for him. I'd fought for the policy this pack would operate under, a policy that included acting decently toward everyone. I fought to defend the values needed to make this the home that both my Max and I wanted. I didn't attack, I'd defended. Realizing that made me feel better. Alpha attacked. I defended. I wasn't like Alpha. I took a deep breath and nodded to Michael.

We were interrupted by a soft knocking on the open door. My Max stood there with one of the teen omegas on the floor behind him. How long had he been standing there? I didn't understand why he knocked.