From Your Beloved

2015

I stare at my own reflection who's smiling timidly back at me.

I watch her tilt her head to the side as she tuck a strand of hair behind her ears mimicking me.

My gown hugged my torso like a second skin and I couldn't be more uncomfortable.

"This is it." I sighed and nodded at the mirror.

The warmth of the sun coming through the window pane was broken into fragments that made me remember the day I first saw him.

I remember Jisoo unnie waking me up on my bed that early morning of June 2015.

"Unnie...what's going on?" I groaned half asleep.

"Nalalisa, wake up. Eunbi unnie is leaving."

When she said that, my eyes shot open.

"Leaving...as in leaving YG?"

"Yeah. So get down and change. We'll meet her there." She said softly while playing with my hair then left when Jennie unnie called her.

I palmed my face and dropped myself back on the bed.

I gave myself time before letting unnie's news sink in. Another member is leaving again.

It's probably going to sound shallow but I'm the kind of person who gets attached to someone easily.

People leaving will always get me to tears.

When I sat back straight, the sunlight hit my face and I brought my hands up to shield my eyes from it.

It was then that images of my dreams from last night started coming back to me.

I couldn't remember much but I was sure that I was holding a boy's hand.

As I stood up to get dressed the rest of the dream started to get more vivid.

I took a navy blue hoodie and when I got through the last hole, I paused and hugged myself.

Because in my dream, the boy did more than just hold my hand. I remembered being pulled into a tight embrace and I remembered being extremely shy because he was teasing me.

"Hey Lisa!" Chae looked at me judgingly when she stormed into my room and caught me hugging myself.

She tilted her head to the side as if observing me like a new specie.

"Whatever's wrong with you?"

"I'm feeling cold that's all. Must be the air-conditioning." I lied smoothly. I wouldn't want my friends teasing me about boys. Being linked with Hanbin constantly for 3 years inside the company was aweful and awkward and I was glad they've stopped.

Boys are boys. They'll always be like brothers to me.

I looked at her outfit and I smirked at how our style differs from one another.

We were both silent as we go inside the elevator.

Neither of my friends had it easy.

In trainings, there's always more of criticisms than praises. It's a miracle that I'm still in this company but truthfully I don't know when I'd last.

I brushed away the negative thoughts and faced Chaeng.

"Chaeyoungah, promise me that whatever happens, we'll still be best friends okay. I forbid you not to forget about me."

This industry is a survival but to me, you're already lucky if you find real friends within your members.

"Aw, I won't. But seriously you're not easy to forget. Watching people argue already reminds me of you."