A Peaceful Death

Chapter 1

WARNING: This contains mentions of suicide,self harm and mental disorders if you believe these might be triggering to you please do not read this and if you ever need help don't hesitate to message me

Suicide helpline: PAPYRUS (0800 068 41 41) is a voluntary organisation supporting teenagers and young adults who are feeling suicidal.

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This wasn't meant to be happening. She wasn't meant to survive long enough for this to happen.

The trees glided aimlessly past her window as she ignored her mothers never ending rambling. She already knew what she was saying, something along the lines of why can't you be like your sister or why can't you just accept that you need help

Felicity knew she needed help but the thing was she didn't want it. Her mother had insisted upon It after discovering her daughter passed out from taking to much Benadryl. So now she was on her way to "Silver oak mental institution for the young"

Her and her mother had never gotten along. Felicity was a smart girl who had no interest in dresses or pretty shoes and her mother was someone who seemed to care more about what she was going to wear than taking care of her own daughter

As the car pulled up outside a monumental building with big looming gates upfront she knew she was here and yet she did not move until her mother opened up her door and physically dragged her out. Felicity felt like she was going to be sick it all became very real, she was alive and she was here.

After her mother signed all the papers and paid the initial fee she was escorted to her "room" which looked more like a paddedand  cell. She was instructed to unpack and change into the clothes provided and soon her personal therapist would come by and they would have their first session

She pulled off her cardigan and looked down at the scars that littered her arms. She wasn't ashamed of them to her they looked like art all facing different angles others an angry shade of red.

Her hands absentmindedly glided up and down her arm feeling the bumps on her skin. Knowing the shrink would be here soon she got changed quickly and it did not escape her attention that the clothes provided to her were short sleeved so she pulled her cardigan back over her shoulders to cover her arms.

She sat for a moment staring out he barred window of her room it was simple, 2 small chairs one she was sitting on, plain white padded walls and a single bed made of metal. She thought the room should be more colourful the room itself depressed her. A sharp knock in the door caused her to snap out of her trance and turn towards the woman now entering her room.

"Hello, my name is doctor Laurel lance I'll be your personal therapist" the woman spoke as she sat down on the other chair but Felicity turned back to look out the window admiring the birds that flew around the trees outside. The woman didn't seem to mind this as she kept talking anyway "I know your first day can be difficult but we have some rules you need to be aware of. For one I'm afraid anything you brought with you has to be confiscated including the cardigan your wearing" this got Felicity's attention she turned towards the woman who was smiling sweetly at her

"I'm cold" she stayed bluntly hoping the woman would let it go but the familiar glint in her eyes told her she wasn't
"I understand that and I can get you a cardigan from our uniform but I'm afraid you'll have to give me all of your personal belongings. We keep them safe and you get them back when you leave" throughout this interaction the woman's smile never faltered and Felicity started wondering if it was fake

"Fine" Felicity states as she gets up and removes her cardigan. She was expecting some kind of reaction from Dr Lance but the woman barely even blinked when she saw her scars. She hands the woman her cardigan and Dr Lance folds it and places it next to the other clothes she came in with

"Now we have three meals a day all of which you have to attend and you must finish a certain amount of food before your allowed to leave" Felicity's stomach churned at the idea of eating meals here she barely ate food at home
"You also have one group therapy session a day and two personal sessions with me where I will attempt to give you a diagnosis" she spoke these words as if she'd said them a thousand times as if they were nothing, but fear spread throughout felicity at the idea of being diagnosed with a mental illness and having to share it with the other people here and laurel must have caught onto that
"Don't worry it's nothing to be scared of you're here to get the help you need no one is going to judge you for it" Felicity almost scoffed at the words leaving this woman's mouth

That's what she says to make her feel better when in reality people are going to judge her it's what people do

Felicity notices the woman holding out a red band towards her and Felicity gives her a questioning look

"It's for your wrist we use to track your progress as you get better you have more freedom and you'll get a different colour of band" the woman says and Felicity can tell she's worked here a long time simply by the way she was these words the ways she's said them a hundred times before.

Felicity hold out her wrist compliantly and allows the woman to strap it around her wrist.

"Red means your on basics, your not allowed to leave the building or use any of the other activities like horse riding or extra free time. The next band is yellow it means you can do some of our indoor activities like painting, music and using the break out spaces. Finally is the green band it means you have almost fully completed your time here and have access to all the amenities like our outdoor pool, horse riding and golf although when doing these activities you will always have a chaperone. The staff here will know what you can and can't do by the colour of your wrist band" laurel looked felicity in the eye and smiled as if she was proud of the system they had worked out but felicity had only one question

"Do you have computers?" She asked politely and for a moment she swear she saw the woman frown
"Yes, we do have computers for people on green bands but due to your.... unique set of skills you will not be permitted to use them at any point during your stay" the woman spoke calmly and clearly everything about her was clinical but felicity was furious this was her mothers doing wasn't it?

"That's not fair" felicity almost yelled at the woman in front of her finally meeting her eyes
"Everyone else is allowed access to them why can't I?" Felicity knew why she wasn't allowed access to them if she wanted she could disable every lock in this building in under 30 seconds

"Your mother made us aware of the fact that you've hacked into systems similar to ours before, so letting you use them would be unwise" laurel was surprisingly calm considering her situation and Felicity saw it was useless to keep arguing they were right if she ever got her hands on anything with WiFi she would be out of here

"Now I think it's time we start our session for today"