I wear a mask.
My mask is white with the eye holes poked out
My smile is out for the public to see,
for them to believe,
I am okay.
Day after day I slip off my mask only to show the truth
I am not happy as my mask makes me to be.
Walking to a shattered mirror I see black tears,
makeup running down my face
the smeared lipstick on my lips and cheek.
Wiping it away, I head to my bed to rest
to forget the day I had and wait til the next day.
Its the same thing over and over.
I'm not happy.
Getting ready I do my normal routine,
picking up my mask to hide my hurt feelings and raw emotion.
Oh no
I have fallen.
My mask is cracking,
It is split down from the middle of my forehead,
past my eye,
ending at the apple of my cheek.
A doctor is the one to help.
to fix the broken mask I wear.
" Pills. Happy Pills "
1 pill will be what I need to fix my mask.
Going home, pills in my hand
My mask on my face seeing the deep crack.
" 1 pill will make me better "
my thoughts repeat that over and over til I walk though my door.
Sitting on the bed,
uncapping the bottle
place pill in hand
take the pill
wait for happiness.
Laying and waiting,
I feel nothing
I am nothing.
Opens bottle
takes 2 more
waits for results.
I am still unhappy
my mask is still cracked
I still feel broken.
4 more pills.
I feel something within me.
almost a sick feeling.
Happiness?
I take more,
3 more and wait once more.
It has been hours,
time seems to be at a stand still.
I go to take more
it is empty
Just like me.
My mask is still broken.
I still feel unhappy
I still feel sad.
I feel the faint sleep take over
resting my mind, it slows down
the words of doubt stop
breathing comes softer
squinting, my mask looks fixed.
Closing my eyes,
I feel the sense of happiness
This happiness i feel isn't how people tell me it is.
This sense of happiness is now my escape.
Soon, my sadness is numb
I feel nothing
I am finally happy.
