The Diary (Phan)

Chapter Nine

I think this will end soon.

Oh, and smut. Be warned.

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It had been a couple hours. I was just sitting there, trying to comfort him. We didn't speak about it after he confessed. I ran my fingers through his straightened dyed hair. He liked it a lot. I didn't know anyone who didn't find relaxation in someone playing with their hair. At least, that's how I was hoping it was doing for him.

"Phil, I know you think that no one loves you, but I know someone who does." I whispered in his ear, I let my lips brush against it and was satisfied to get a shiver from him.

"Who?" He asked, flipping himself so that he was straddling me.

I hummed in mock-thought, "Well, his name starts with a 'd', he has brown hair, and wants to be yours."

He nodded, and his mouth opened and closed like a fish as he thought of what to say, so I stopped him from struggling with my lips on his. It didn't take long for the kiss to become heated, I took my lips from our sweet kiss and brought them to his neck. He moaned as my lips nipped him right where his jawline met his neck. I wanted to hear that moan more, so much more. It was the best sound he'd made.

He was writhing under me, pretty much begging me for contact... downstairs. "Take this slow, baby, I'm making love to you."

"Okay." I kissed him. "I love you." He said once we came apart for air again. "And you're so perfect, why would you ever want anyone like me?"

I wanted to cut him off, but I felt it was important to talk about this. "Because you're beautiful. I'm not perfect, far from it, but you're closer to perfection than I am." He shook his head, but I stilled it with my hand that wasn't holding me up. I leaned back down to kiss his lips, and he deepened it by taking his tongue against them. I allowed him into my mouth, and he knew exactly what to do with his tongue to derive a moan from the back of my throat. He moaned as well as my tongue fought with mine. Neither of us took dominance. I didn't want to, I was okay with the kiss to stay how it was.

I broke the kiss and brought my lips back down his jawline, I sucked where I was before, causing his breathing to get heavier and his moans to get closer together. I lowered to his chest. He never put his shirt back on, and I was so happy that he was comfortable enough with me to keep it off. I worked my way down to where I couldn't go any farther with out inching down. I kissed him on the lips for a second before I scooted down and sat on his hips. I began to grind down and he moaned louder, I wasn't going too fast because I wanted this to last. I wanted to treat him how he deserved to be treated. I met my lips with his again and kissed as I rolled my hips around.

"D-Dan I really want this." He moaned, his way of telling me to go faster. I knew that he was probably getting hard, but I knew he wasn't ready yet. I hooked my fingers around his boxers before pulling them off. I was mortified to see that there were more cuts on his hips. They were old, and probably didn't hurt, they were healing, and even though I wanted to beg him never to do it again, I knew I couldn't. It wasn't that simple, and I would know. I hadn't done it in three years, but quitting was the hardest part.

I pulled my own jeans and boxers off in one motion. He gasped when he saw the scars that I left behind on myself. "Dan." He gasped. He brought his hands to my thighs. I only ever cut, I'd tried to burn myself with my mothers curling iron once, but I was too scared. "Why?"

"Sh, it's not important right now, I'll tell you later." I kissed him on the lips one last time before I started to kiss each mark on his perfect skin. I looked him in the eyes and took my hand around him. I pumped a couple times before putting my lips to the tip. I licked around it and took him into my mouth. He gasped at the sudden warmth and feel of him in my mouth.

"F-fuck, Dan." He moaned, and his breathing got quicker. I wanted to make him have so much pleasure, but I took my mouth away. I heard his sigh if disapproval and I chuckled.

"We've got all night." I teased him and massaged the inside of his thighs. I turned to my table by my bed and opened the drawer. I felt around in there until I came upon the bottle. I shut the drawer back and laid the bottle beside me.

Phil chose this time to turn onto me. He started kissing me down my neck and I started moaning. He smirked down at me, and he was so hot. He wrapped his hand around me and started to pump some. I was feeling myself becoming painfully hard. I needed more, and he began to rub the slit. I was a moaning mess and flipped him over. I took the bottle of lube and squirted it onto my first three fingers. I rubbed some onto his hole before I brought one finger into him. He moaned lightly, trying to adjust to the feeling of it.

"Relax babe." I said, looking into his eyes, his oh, so beautiful blue ones staring back. He did relax a second later and I began to move inside him. I added a second and a third and reached around to find the ball of nerves that would turn him into goo.

I found it and his eyes flashed and all of his muscles relaxed. He moaned louder than before. I decided he'd be ready and took my fingers out. I put my hands on his hips, gently since I didn't know if the cuts still hurt or not, to steady him while I lined myself up with him. I pushed in a little, slowly to let him adjust. He did quickly and I began to move. I moved my hips around until I found that spot again and hit it repeatedly. He was moaning and breathing so hard. I knew he wouldn't last much longer, so I went slow, I didn't want either of is to end too soon.

I could feel the knot in my stomach and I was hoping he was. He confirmed my thoughts, "Da-Da-Dan, I-I'm gonna-a cum." I nodded and took my hand around him and started to pump. He was bucking under me, and I just wanted him to find the most pleasure that he could with it.

It wasn't long before I felt him clinch around me and there was spunk in my hand. I finished as well, his orgasm sending me off. I finished inside him and fell over. I pulled out and gave a consent sigh.

I'd just made love to the most perfect boy in this universe.

The boy who I wanted to be my boyfriend.

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I hope that was satisfying, I typed that surrounded by my family....

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