ne t'en fais pas

new year

your words shouldnt still
bother me in the new year,
and its been so long that i
shouldnt even be thinking
about or of you, but you
just never go away.

if i was to tear myself into
pieces over you, because of
you - you wouldnt even care
and even though my brain
seems to understand this
completely, my heart wont
let the thought of you escape
me even for a moment.

i try to write about the happenings,
my thoughts - no matter how stupid -
and my feelings for you or anyone
else that may be stupid enough to be
a part of my life, but it never seems
to help like everyone says it will;
if anything, it has made things worse
but i cant stand to never speak of you.

my books, tv, and camera - they arent
enough to distract me from you and
that scares me because i thought
i loved those things more than i would
even love someone or something else.

- february 10, '18 ; 01:07