asymptote » hanbin ;

018

[h a y i' s]

Opening na ng foundation week, nandito kami ni Jaewon sa gilid ng stage para manood ng mga performance nung ibang mga kasama dito sa performance week. Natapos na sila Jiwon, Donghyuk at Hanna. Si Jinny at Junhoe. Si Jinhwan,Yoyo, at Chanwoo. Halos lahat sila ang gaganda ng performance. Sila Jiwon kumanta sila ng Secret, si Junhoe at Jinny nagsayaw sila ng A thousand years and lastly yung grupo nila Jinhwan parang nag ala-banda sila kanina. Performance nalang nila Hanbin at saamin ni Jaewon ang natitira.

"For the next performer let's call on Jennie Kim from tourism and Kim Hanbin from financial management" hindi ko ba alam kung aalis ako sa kinatatayuan ko para hindi ko makita yung performance nila o aalis ba ko dahil alam kong madudurog ako. Hindi ko na alam bahala na.

Nakita ko ng umakyat si Jennie na naka suot ng isang mahabang puting dress at si Hanbin na naka white sando at naka jeans. Wala talaga kong alam kung ano yung performance na gagawin nila kasi hindi naman kami nag uusap ni Hanbin this past few weeks.

Climb on board
We'll go slow and high tempo
Light and dark
Hold me hard and mellow

Nagsimula na silang mag sayaw napako na ko rito sa kinatatayuan ko. Yung way na pag sasayaw nilang dalawa punong puno ng emosyon.

Im seeing the pain, seeing the pleasure
Nobody but you, 'body but me
'Body but us, bodies together
I love to hold you close, tonight and always
I love to wake up next to you
I love to hold you close, tonight and always
I love to wake up next to you

Gusto ko ng umalis dito, ang sakit sakit pala. Pinlano namin ng sabay yung performance na ginagawa nila ngayon eh, ako dapat nandyan, ako yung dapat kasama niya sa sayaw na yan. Kasi matagal na namin gustong gawin yung ganitong type ng sayaw. Last year pa namin to pinlano, hindi ko naman aakalain na gagamit niya para sa performance nilang dalawa.

So we'll piss off the neighbours
In the place that feels the tears
The place to lose your fears
Yeah, reckless behavior
A place that is so pure, so dirty and raw
In the bed all day, bed all day, bed all day
Fucking in and fighting on
It's our paradise and it's our war zone
It's our paradise and it's our war zone

Pagdating ng chorus pinunit ni Jennie yung sando ni Hanbin sabay yakap sa kanya. Yakap na nakakarga siya rito. Ang sakit na ng puso ko, literally and emotionally sobrang sakit na niya. The way na mag dikit yung mga balat nila, yung noo at ilong nila, yung yakap, yung emosyon nila pareho habang nag sasayaw. Hindi ko na kaya.

Tutulo na yung luha na kanina ko pa pinipigilan ng biglang may mga kamay na tumakip sa mata ko.

"Mamaya ka na umiyak, tayo na mag pe perform. Chin up" nakangiting niyang sabi. Thankyou Jaewon.

Inalalayaan niya ko paakyat ng stage tapos ngumiti siya bago ko mag simulang kumanta.

Feeling used
But I'm
Still missing you
And I can't
See the end of this
Just wanna feel your kiss
Against my lips
And now all this time
Is passing by
But I still can't seem to tell you why
It hurts me every time I see you
Realize how much I need you

Thank you to Jaewon kasi pumayag siya sa napili kong kanta. Kahit man lang sa kanta malabas ko lahat lahat ng gusto kong sabihin na hindi ko masabi sabi.

I hate you, I love you
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her

Nakita ko si Hanbin sa dagat ng tao, naka ngiti, masayang masaya sa tabi ni Jennie. Sila na ba? Kung hindi pa, kailangan ko na tanggapin ngayon palang.

I miss you when I can't sleep
Or right after coffee
Or right when I can't eat
I miss you in my front seat
Still got sand in my sweaters
From nights we don't remember
Do you miss me like I miss you?
Fucked around and got attached to you
Friends can break your heart too, and
I'm always tired but never of you
If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit
I put this real out, but you wouldn't bite that shit
I type a text but then I nevermind that shit
I got these feelings but you never mind that shit
Oh oh, keep it on the low
You're still in love with me but your friends don't know
If u wanted me you would just say so
And if I were you, I would never let me go
I don't mean no harm
I just miss you on my arm
Wedding bells were just alarms
Caution tape around my heart
You ever wonder what we could have been?
You said you wouldn't and you fucking did
Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix
Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed
Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing
Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance
I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing
But I learned from my dad that it's good to have feelings
When love and trust are gone
I guess this is moving on
Everyone I do right does me wrong
So every lonely night, I sing this song

Bawat bigkas ni Jaewon ng lyrics tumatagos talaga sakin, ramdam na ramdam ko kaya hanga din ako sa skills ni One pag dating sa mga ganito eh, magaling talaga siya. 

I hate you, I love you
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her

This time nag harapan kami ni Jaewon sabay naming kinanta yung chorus. Hindi ko parin talaga maiwasang maguilty dahil nakipag hiwalay ako sa kanya noon. Pinilit ko naman kasing ibaling yung pagmamahal ko sa kanya kaso talagang bumabalik at bumabalik parin ako kay Hanbin. 

All alone I watch you watch her
Like she's the only girl you've ever seen
You don't care you never did
You don't give a damn about me
Yeah all alone I watch you watch her
She's the only thing you've ever seen
How is it you'll never notice
That you are slowly killing me

Saktong sakto yung binibigkas ko lyrics sa sitwasyon ko ngayon. Nanginginig na ko, nang gigilid na yung luha ko. Ayoko na talaga.

I hate you, I love you
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her

Hinayaan na ni One na kantahin ko yung last part ng kanta. This time naka tingin ako kay Hanbin, kahit hindi niya ko tinitingnan. Ikakamatay ko nga talaga kapag masyado pa kong mapalapit sa kanya lalo na ngayon na masaya na siya.  Baka hindi rin kayanin ng sistema ko at magkita kami ni San Pedro ng maaga.  Promise this will be the last, ako na yung iiwas para na rin sa kanila at lalo na sarili ko. Goodbye, Kim Hanbin. 

PS : GUUUUUYS NAKIKITA NIYO NA BA!?HUHUHU.