Name: Space Piracy; Lessons in Love, Ass-kicking, and Instant Noodles
Author: sirona on ao3
Word Length; 63,241
Summary (provided by author): Ninjas IN SPACE! Join Soragakure's pirate ship captain, Uzumaki Naruto and his crew of misfits on an epic adventure, spanning whole galaxies as they fight to gain control of a viciously dangerous viral mainframe, parts of which are contained in the partly-cyborg bodies of nine men and women all over the known universe. Enemies become friends and friends become something more in a frantic race to outrun the unscrupulous Akatsuki organisation and the corrupt Alliance of space cities and steal a weapon that may mean the end of creation as they know it. Main pairing: Uzumaki Naruto/Uchiha Sasuke.
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Work Text:
Naruto's footsteps echo through Orochimaru's ship as he runs. He can feel the burn in his calves, and an ache in his shoulder beginning where he has one of the ship's residents in a fireman's carry.
Naruto could have sworn that the person he picked up was some kind of princess (he'd heard legends about a snake princess on this end of the galaxy), but closer inspection had revealed a male. A homicidal male. Naruto had to knock him out to stop him from causing further damage to the ship and himself.
Ahead, one of the ship's doors cuts him off. He makes a left and hopes that his own ship is tracking his life signs.
"Ero-ship better have me docked and ready to fly off this heap of junk, or I'm gonna make sure it takes him years to hack back into that recording of Tsunade showering," he mutters to himself. He feels a twitch from the weight on his shoulder and speeds up his pace, practically flying past doors welded shut by escaping-oxygen-induced vacuum. He reaches a dead end again and powers through the partially open door on the left, on the basis that a labyrinth can only be successfully negotiated by taking constant turns in one direction. Only trouble is, he can't remember if it was supposed to be left or right.
"Naruto! Get your ass back on Soragakure this instant!"
Naruto snorts. Does Sakura think he's on a carnival ride or something? He makes a quick decision--right.
Finally, success! He jumps out of the last corridor and into the docking space where his shuttle is, for once, ready and waiting for departure. He shouts in relief and throws the unconscious lump in the back seat, straps him in before proceeding to do the same and start the engines. He blasts off the disintegrating ship with a deep sigh of relief, clutching at the shift as a plume of flame blazes to the right, barely missing the tiny vessel.
"And that's me out of there! Damn, that was close. All right, Sakura-chan! Reel me in!"
Moments later, Naruto is re-entering his baby, the Soragakure. "I'm hooooome," he calls. Then, to Sakura, "Oh, by the way, I picked up some weird guy. I had to knock him out, but only because he was trying to kill me."
Sakura sputters. "You were gone for thirty minutes! You blew up the ship and kidnapped someone?" She takes a deep breath, looking into the back of Naruto's shuttle. The passenger is good-looking, at least. Pretty in the face, with artfully messy dark fringe over his eyes, and--Sakura's not sure what the hell he thinks he's wearing; it looks like the sort of horrid attire worst suited for a serious voyage through space. On the other hand, he's wearing an open shirt, she thinks, taking her time admiring the stranger's chest. "Jiraiya, send in a bot to help me get our prisoner to the infirmary. He'll probably need to be strapped down." She turns back to Naruto. "So, what did you pick up? At least a few solar crysts, right?"
Naruto rubs the back of his neck.
"A handful of gold," she tries.
"Space gold?" he offers.
Sakura sighs. "There is no such thing as space gold."
"Yeah, that's all I've got," Naruto admits.
