Name: Space Piracy; Lessons in Love, Ass-kicking, and Instant Noodles
Author: sirona on ao3
Word Length; 63,241
Summary (provided by author): Ninjas IN SPACE! Join Soragakure's pirate ship captain, Uzumaki Naruto and his crew of misfits on an epic adventure, spanning whole galaxies as they fight to gain control of a viciously dangerous viral mainframe, parts of which are contained in the partly-cyborg bodies of nine men and women all over the known universe. Enemies become friends and friends become something more in a frantic race to outrun the unscrupulous Akatsuki organisation and the corrupt Alliance of space cities and steal a weapon that may mean the end of creation as they know it. Main pairing: Uzumaki Naruto/Uchiha Sasuke.
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Work Text:
"His condition is stable for now," Sakura announces, closing the door behind her. "I think he was hanging on only through sheer force of will."
Karin slides down the wall beside the doorway, sighing loudly. "I need a sandwich. No one else on this ship is allowed to borrow my nanomachines until I recover."
Killer Bee pulls her back to her feet and into a bone-crushing hug.
"Ow, what the hell--put me down," Karin demands, flailing uselessly in an effort to get her feet back onto the ground.
Killer Bee drops her after a moment, reaching for Sakura next. "Thank you," he wails.
"Er--it's what we do, Bee-san," Sakura replies.
As soon as he releases Sakura, he wipes his eyes on his massive forearm.
Sakura puts a hand on his shoulder. "Get some rest, now, okay? I don't want you in there with him, too."
---
"Scouts only found two bodies," Jiraiya reports.
Naruto opens his eyes. "I knew that was too easy," he groans. "What about the ship? Any supplies on board?"
"The crew found a crate of sun crysts. Akatsuki is more ready for this fight than we expected. They could have fired at Kumogakure all night."
Naruto frowns, sitting up in bed. "But that doesn't make sense. That gun was big enough to wipe us in one blow--why would they need that much?"
"For you," Sasuke says, pulling the pillow over his eyes. "Kyuubi wasn't doing anything when I found you, it was just... staring at the wall. Waiting."
"After you destroyed their operatives last time, they probably hoped to isolate Kyuubi and Hachibi before boarding," Jiraiya agrees. "The fact we only have two bodies is a fairly good indication that they were overconfident, but still felt cautious enough to minimize their losses."
Naruto sighs. "What have we learned from the bodies?"
"Well, we have visual confirmation that one of them is that guy Sasuke shot and we dumped outside the Whirlpool wreck."
"What?! Are you sure? No one can survive a trip out in open space!"
"Hidan was a part of some weird religious cult that worship a Death god, so he had a back door in the whole 'dying when shot' business. Orochimaru had a file on each of the Akatsuki members stuffed with as much information as he had on them. Hidan is nigh on immortal."
"You mean, was. No one can survive being blown up and sucked out in open space. From the number of pieces his body got torn into, I think you can safely asume that the smarmy bastard's dead."
"What about the other body?" Sasuke asks, choosing not to contradict Naruto. There were rather a lot of pieces.
"From what intel you brought back from the main Akatsuki ship, it's a clone," Jiraiya says. "Same orange hair, piercings and purple eyes."
