Name: Space Piracy; Lessons in Love, Ass-kicking, and Instant Noodles
Author: sirona on ao3
Word Length; 63,241
Summary (provided by author): Ninjas IN SPACE! Join Soragakure's pirate ship captain, Uzumaki Naruto and his crew of misfits on an epic adventure, spanning whole galaxies as they fight to gain control of a viciously dangerous viral mainframe, parts of which are contained in the partly-cyborg bodies of nine men and women all over the known universe. Enemies become friends and friends become something more in a frantic race to outrun the unscrupulous Akatsuki organisation and the corrupt Alliance of space cities and steal a weapon that may mean the end of creation as they know it. Main pairing: Uzumaki Naruto/Uchiha Sasuke.
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Work Text:
"Let me back in there," Naruto insists, trying to free himself from Sakura's hold; it's no use. She has the gloves she inherited from Tsunade, which increase her strength far beyond human capabilities. "Let me go, Sakura-chan. Let me back in there, I'll show that bastard what captaining a ship means--"
"Shut up," Sakura replies through gritted teeth. She tightens her grip, enough to hurt but not enough to damage.
"Calm down, Naruto," Sasuke says, grabbing Naruto's shoulder.
Naruto calms for a few seconds. Sakura spends the entire period scowling because Naruto used to do that for her, and here's some stranger with a pretty face, and a tight, mesh shirt, and leather pants... She's practically drooling as she forgets what she was doing.
Naruto frees himself while Sakura is distracted, running toward the tiny, ruined building where the secret meet between Suna, Soragakure's crew, and the Kumo delegates takes place. He runs a few meters ahead, before Sasuke tackles him to the ground. Naruto eats dirt, but is more occupied by the body heat seeping through to where Sasuke is sitting on his ass. "Ngk," Naruto replies. "Fuck."
"Not unless you calm down." Sasuke leans down, whispering in Naruto's ear, "We're going to go back inside of there in ten minutes, and you're going to get along with Kumo's crew, including Bee, and we'll arrange something later."
Naruto swallows with an audible click. "But he refuses to do anything to help me get the program inside of me under control, and his brother won't even try to negotiate with us because they don't like you, and I am not going to just listen to them fling insults--"
"Do it," Sasuke orders in the same irresistible, breathless mutter. "I don't care what they say about me, and neither should you. I have two goals in my life: to kill my brother, and to pound you into your own mattress tonight. I'm going to do the first one all on my own, but the second depends on you."
Naruto forgets why he was angry. "When?"
"Ten minutes," Sasuke says, standing up. "When we go back in there, let Kakashi and Sakura do the talking for your side. They're better at it."
"It's my ship. I'm the captain," Naruto protests. "And I'm the one with the program in my spine."
"And we will take your opinions into consideration," Sakura assures him. "But the more you shout at Kumogakure's leader about why his brother is an idiot, and why his best crew members are, and I quote, 'fuckwads' for disliking Sasuke, who may I remind you began his stay on our ship by trying to kill you--not that there is anything wrong with that, but I really think you should get to know Naruto first, that way you at least fully comprehend the instinctive urge to kill him," she adds as an aside to Sasuke, "--the more likely the negotiations between Kumogakure and Soragakure are to end badly." Sakura takes a deep, triumphant breath, then, noticing that Naruto hasn't moved, raises an eyebrow. "Sasuke isn't sitting on you anymore, why are you still on the ground?"
"Uh, well, Sakura-chan, um--"
Sasuke smirks. "Got a hard-on?" he taunts.
"Lalala, I did not just hear that!" Sakura covers her ears, turning away from Naruto as a blush darkens her cheeks.
