Prisoner of the Molepeople

Chapter 38 - Ally

“One,” Chuck shouted, “two ...”

“You can come in,” I replied. “Though could you bring a mop? I’m afraid I threw up all over the floor, and I don’t want anyone to catch my ... humanitis.”

After a pause, Chuck said, “Humanitis?”

“Don’t worry, it’s not lethal or anything. Most of the time.”

Willie said, “She’s lying.”

“I know that, numb skull,” said Chuck.

Then there was silence.

I asked, “Are you guys going to come in or what?”

Next came the voice of Willie. “What are you waiting for, Chuck?”

And the voice of Chuck: “What are you waiting for, Willie?”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

Following a second wave of silence, I said, “How about I just clean up the mess myself?”

“You've got five minutes,” said Chuck, sounding as mean as ever.

Five minutes was definitely better than ten seconds. I turned my attention back to Gunhilda, who, to my surprise, had stepped out of the stall and was looking anything but sick. In fact, she was grinning, and the reason was plain enough. In her hands was the Golden Bowl of Fliegenwasser.

“I stole her bowl,” she whispered.

“Why?” I asked.

“To make her mad. Why else?” The mild Gunhilda had never looked so savage.

“So if you're not on Duthbert's side, and you're not on Brunhilda's side, does that make you on my side?”

“If being on your side would make Brunhilda mad, I'm on your side.”

“Oh Gunhilda!” I couldn't stop myself from squeezing her.

“But we can't stay here. As soon as Brunhilda discovers what I've done –”

“Then let's get out of here. If you could just take care of Duthbert's goons –”

“By take care do you mean severely beat?”

“Yes.”

“I've never believed that violence solves anything.”

“It does in this case. This is a very good case for violence.”

“They have wives and children. And if they're working for Duthbert, they most certainly don't have health insurance.”

I smacked my face into my palms, wondering how my life could possibly get more frustrating. Then, glancing at the bowl in Gunhilda's hands, I thought of a plan B. “All right, we can do this civilly. Give me the bowl.”

“What?”

“We'll use it to bribe them.”

“But it's not real gold.”

“They don't know that.”

She considered the proposition. “Knowing how much Duthbert pays employees, this just might work.” She was about to hand over the bowl, when she had second thoughts. “But this is crazy. Where will you go?”

“Supposing my plan works, to jail.”

“To rescue Lenny?”

“No, to get arrested. And then to rescue Lenny.”