Pen Ink

Bailey - The Study

"Kennedy I swear, Lucas and the girls are gonna be here soon. If you don't get your ass out of the bathroom, I will come in there!" I yelled, banging my fist roughly against the white wooden bathroom door for the fifth time in this hour.

The music that had been blaring from behind the closed door, quieted for a moment. "A. Put a dollar in the swear jar, and B. Give me five more minutes! I'll be out soon!" She yelled back from inside the bathroom, I could hear her go back to singing her rap music. Some song by Eminem.

I sighed loudly, tapping my foot impatiently. "She's like a fucking teenager getting ready for the prom." I mumbled to myself, heading back to the kitchen to make sure the cherry pie was done, pulling it out of the oven, setting it on the stove top and flicking it off.

So in my little group of friends (Aubrie especially), they like to come up with any excuse to throw a party or other. And it's not like it's some huge party or something. It usually consist of Lucas, the girls, and occasionally my parents. We all sit in the back yard near the shore acting like total idiots as we goof of and create memories and future stories to be told with each other.

This year, of course I felt the need to invite Ms.Wells. I mean, how could I not? She's always been such a sweetheart to me. And of course since her grandson is apparently in town, she asked if he could come as well. I agreed, only because I wouldn't want her to not come. I mean I didn't really know the kid, but I figured he would be nice, especially if he was related to Ms. Wells. I only hope he wasn't one of those obnoxious little brats. Because if so, I wouldn't hesitate to strangle him. I don't do very well with children. Or so I've been told. But it's whatever, it's not like I'll want any of my own, I'll be very satisfied with a cat and a lovely wife. That is if I find her. I'm honestly still unsure whether I have one, so I guess I just have to keep hoping for the best.

I think one idea I keep denying is that I might not be comepletely alone. But I think it scares me more that way. I think I'd rather be alone. Of course with having no soulmate I've looked it up thousands upon thousands of times. It's the one thought that never leaves my mind and it scares me. So of course I look it up over and over. Anyone would right? Think about people with paranoia. The constant fears and different ideas drifting through their heads as they spend half their time looking symptoms up on the internet. Because they think they might have Cold Urticaria, Elephantiasis, Fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva, or even Epidermodysplasia Verruciformis Lewandowsky-Lutz dysplasia. (Don't ask how I know these. Honestly we have to do a science fair in our junior year of high school, and I decided to play with people's mental state trying to see if I could make people think they had these diseases. Surprizling some of the time it actually worked. I got some one to think that they had alien hand syndrome. A disease where you aren't really in control of one of your arms/hands. Not gonna lie it was rather fun.) But do they actually have these diseases no. They just think that they might because they think there might be something else there and they want to know all they can know about it. It's the same way for me. 

I wanted to know more. I wanted to know if the same thing has happened to other people. I wanted to know if other people have gone through the same thing as me. And what I found? I think it scares me more than just thinking that my soulmate might have died. About a month or two ago I had been researching again. I was up all night sitting in front of my laptop screen trying to find more information because after what I had found I didn't want that to be it. There had to be some other reasonable explanation. I didn't want to belive that that goddamn study was real. Or that anything envolved with it was true.

The study showed that there were others. Other people who have gone through the same things as me. Other people who don't have a soulmate. Extensive research went into. Some people volunteered to be experimented on. I don't think they said they finally closed the study after a year or two because people were getting paranoid and going crazy because they might not have a soulmate. The study was left though. And I'm not sure if I'm thankful or not. Because I've started to question myself. First I don't have a soulmate and I'm different but then suddenly I do but she's dead. But all of a sudden I just might not have one and I'm a freak like the rest of the people who are left with no one to love. 

And it fucking sucks. And no. No money is going into the swear jar because I honestly don't give a shit anymore. I want a soulmate. I want to fall in love like the rest of society. But apparently it doesn't work like that. Because I wasn't meant to fall in love. And apparently I never will be. Never have I once seen someone falling in love with someone who's not their soulmate. Every bodies falling in love around me. Stumbling into the perfect match out of the blue. But for some reason I don't even have one. I will never wake up with a random mark on my skin. I will never stumble into the love of my life. I will never fall in love with someone, because no one will want to fall in love with me.  And that fucking hurts. It really does. Because it means I'll never find love.