Amalgamate

Five

 

It’s done.

 

It hurts.

 

I miss him already.

 

I love him so much.

 

I feel like I’m going to collapse. I don’t think I can do this. I want to be in his arms again. I want to hold his hands. I want to look back, but it’s too late. We already parted ways and finished everything.

 

“I love you so much Zayn..” I whispered to myself, crying. I’m breaking down. Still trying not to look back at him. “Don’t look back, don’t look back, you don’t want to ruin everything. Don’t look back Lian you can do this.” I told myself, trying to be strong, encouraging myself to wake up from the reality that we’re over, that I’ll never be in his arms again.

 

Once I got inside my car, I put my hands and buried my face on the steering wheel and cried everything out. There’s nothing in my mind but Zayn. He’s my life, he’s my world, he’s my one and only. And then there’s dad, my freaking strict businessman father who tried to break our relationship a lot of times. So desperate in trying to tear the both of us, and finally he won.  

 

I remember what my father always tells me when I was still in high school..

*flashback*

 “Lian, he’s no good for you. I’m telling you. You should breakup with him. Do you even know what you’re doing?!” Dad yelled at me, standing up with his fists clenched. I looked up at him, I saw anger in his eyes. Dad turns red immediately when he gets furious.

“I know what I’m doing, I love Zayn! He has a big heart, he’s a kind person!” I yelled back to my father.

“You don’t yell back at me like that young lady! You don’t know what you’re-“

“How many times do I have to tell you father, I know what I’m doing! I love Zayn I love him! He’s my life! He’s always there for me! He made me feel that somebody out here in this world still loves me!”

“Lian that’s not-“ I cut mom off.

 “No! Because you two are damn fucking busy loving that business instead of me! Everything I do is wrong, I don’t know what I’m doing, I haven’t done anything right. Is that how you see all my efforts especially in my studies?”

“No it’s beca-“

“No dad, no. You two don’t love me. You love that business. I understand. Because of too much loving for that business, you two weren’t able to see my efforts in everything” I looked at them, “Excuse me” I ran upstairs to my room while dad is calling my name. I didn’t pay attention to his call. All I want is to be with Zayn right now to be comforted.

“Lian! Lian! Come back here! I will talk to-“

I cut my father off when I slammed the door of my room shut. I sat down in my window seat and hugged my pillow and cried so hard as I can..

*end of flashback*

 

I wiped my tears away and sighed heavily while putting on my seatbelt. I started my car and drove away going to my best friend’s house, Elle.