Forbidden Desires (boyxboy)

Heartbreak

Connor’s POV:

I wonder what he meant by that. For the past few days, his words keep running through my mind. “It’s never going to happen if you can’t even admit how you feel”, what in the heck does he mean by that. He can’t know how I feel, I never let on. At least I don’t think I have. Nope, he couldn’t know. Maybe he’s been drinking again. Yup, that’s it. He’s drinking again.

It’s the weekend and I have been invited to a party, Embry’s party. My first one. Yay!! I am such a nerd but a sexy nerd. I don’t have to worry about running into Kegan there. Kegan doesn’t do high school parties, only college parties. What a stuck up prick. I shake my head as I step out of the shower. Not bothering with a towel since I have my own room and my own bathroom so there is no need to cover up. Or so I thought. I walk out of the bathroom drying my hair with a towel only to hear a scream. I look up only to see Candayce sitting on my bed.

“OH MY LORD, CONNOR!!!” Candayce screams. I notice that she doesn’t cover her eyes; in fact she’s checking me out.

I roll my eyes as I wrap the towel around my waist. “What are you doing in here?” I say as I look for clothes.

“Well, since we are going to the party together I thought I might as well ride with you.” She says cheerfully.

“You couldn’t text or better yet, call me?” I sneer. I pull on my underwear and then my pants. I was buttoning up my pants when my door burst open.

“What the hell is going on?” yells Kegan. Right behind him is Ally. Great, where is privacy when you need it?

“Can’t I just get dressed without someone invading my privacy?!” I yell. I’m getting sick of this. All I wanted to do was shower and get dressed in peace. Maybe even check my Facebook. I can’t do any of that now.

I noticed that Kegan was staring at my stomach longer than usual. What in the hell? Did I miss a spot while shaving? Yes, people. I do shave my chest and stomach. When you’re on the swim team there can’t be hair anywhere if you know what I mean? I look down and I see nothing wrong with my stomach. Same six pack as yesterday.

Kegan finally notices Candayce sitting on my bed. “What the hell is she doing in here?” He asks kind of rudely.

“She came to help me dress it seems. I don’t know, Kegan. I walked out of the bathroom and there she was.” I don’t know what his problem is. All he’s been doing is giving me attitude for nothing.

“Why did she scream?” Kegan said slowly. He’s sort of looking upset.

“Because when I walked out of the bathroom I was butt naked.” I said as I looked for a shirt. Hmm…I think I should wear the blue one, or maybe the green one.

“Get out.” Kegan said to Candayce. “I need to speak with my brother.”

By the time I turned around the room has cleared out and the bedroom door was closed. Kegan locked the door and walked over to me.

“What are you doing, Kegan? You can’t kick my ass like you use to when we were kids.” I said haughtily. I’m going to stand my ground. I will kick his ass, I didn’t do anything wrong. A girl saw me naked, so fcking what.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Connor. I just want to talk. I guess it doesn’t even matter. You have someone, I have someone. I guess it’s time for your little crush that you have on me to be over.” Kegan unlocked the door and walked out, with that he stole the breath from my body.

How did he know? I don’t know how I feel; I guess you could say that I’m hurt. Even if he knew he wasn’t supposed to say anything!! I feel embarrassed and ashamed. Ashamed that I’m in love with my own brother and he knew. He knew all along.

I’m not sure how I can face him now.  I have this party I have to go to and now I really am not in the mood.

“Are you ready yet, Connor? I’m ready to get muh groove on!” Candayce says as she enters my room.

“I’m not really in the mood to go anywhere. I just wann…” I start

“Hold up, you are going with me because you promised me. You are my date!” Candayce says annoyed.

She’s right. I can’t ditch her because I feel like shit. I’m going, it’s not like Kegan is going to be there. He and Ally are having a date night I guess; why else would she be here.

“Fine, let’s go.” I grab my wallet and head out the door with Candayce trailing not too far behind.

The party was crazy. People are making out everywhere and the liquor was flowing. I don’t drink, well, I try not to. As I made through the crowd, I notice that Embry is sitting in a chair with a girl in his lap. I shake my head and made a move towards the kitchen to grab a soda. After all I am driving. Candayce went off to find a girl that she’s talking to.

I grabbed a soda from the cooler and as I go to turn around I feel an arm around my waist.

“I’m glad you came.” He whispered in my ear. I turn around only to come face to face with Embry. I guess he saw me walk by. I’m not in the mood for this. I don’t need a guy that is confused with his sexuality to experiment with me.

“It’s a great party. What can I help you with, Embry?” I take a sip from the soda and watched him. He steps a little closer and whisper’s in my ear.

“I want you.” He nibbles on my ear. I back away a little. I don’t need this, I just got rejected from my brother, and I don’t want this. It feels wrong.

“I’m not interested, Embry.” I say as I start to walk away. He grabs my arm and brings me against him.

“Don’t lie to me, Connor. I see the way you watch me in school. You’re very interested and I’m very interested in you.” He growls. He grabs my jaw and pushes his lips against mine. He runs his tongue along my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I don’t want to do this but then again, I feel so alone and worthless. What was wrong with me that even my own brother doesn’t want me? It’s not like I’m ugly, hell I’ve been checked out my so many girls and guys alike it’s not even funny. Just as I opened my mouth to allow entrance I hear a familiar voice.

“What’s going on here?” Shit, Kegan’s here!! Here of all freaking places!! Oh my God, like my night can get any worse. I pull away from him and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

“Nothing much, bro. Just hanging out with Connor.” Embry says with a smirk.

“You kiss everyone you hang out with, Embry?” Kegan steps forward and grabs my arm pulling me away from Embry.

“Of course not. Only the ones I’m interested in.” Embry grabs my other arm and pulls me towards him. I feel like I’m in the middle of a tug of war.

“Umm..I’m right here guys.” I say calmly.

“I didn’t know that you swung that way. What happened to Autumn? I thought you two were dating.” Kegan says with a smile and pulls me yet again.

“Didn’t work out. She couldn’t provide me with what I needed; she didn’t have the right parts.” Embry pulls me again.

“I suggest you leave my brother along. He’s not like that, not your type.” Kegan says slowly. With a rough quick pull I fall into his arms.

“I think that Connor is a big boy and can make his own choices. Connor, who do you want to go with? Me or your brother.” Embry says with a smirk.

I don’t know what to do. Embry is the only person interested in me and Kegan brought up “my little crush”. I start to get upset again as I think of this. He doesn’t want me, he has Ally. He just wants me to get over my crush and leave him alone. I think it’s time that I give him what he wants. Time to stop being so selfish. It’s not like he’s going to be upset or anything. He’ll probably be relieved. I’m just a freak in love with my brother; I don’t even deserve his kindness. It’s the least I can do for him.

“I’m going with Embry, Kegan.” I look at him and lower my voice. “It’s time to get over my “little crush” don’t you think?” I look him in the eyes and I see something flash in them before it’s quickly covered up with anger.